Her boyfriend gave her 20 rules about talking to other men — she followed every one until she found his Facebook messages with his ex

Usually, the victim in a toxic relationship is the last person to realize how detrimental their partner is. A 25-year-old woman who goes by u/rulesrulesrules7 took to Reddit to share the story of her toxic relationship on April 5, 2015. For eight months, she convinced herself it was love, even when Peter gave her 20 strict and nonsensical rules to follow. When she couldn't take it anymore, she got suspicious and checked whether he followed the same rules he imposed on her. Surprise, surprise, the rules did not apply to him while messaging his ex-girlfriend on Facebook. The full story was reshared on the platform by u/Direct-Caterpillar77. The post reached 4,200 upvotes and 409 comments. 

Peter's toxic rules

The author thought she and Peter were extremely compatible, given their chemistry and similar interests. However, she did not like the fact that he was extremely possessive. She described him as a jealous, judgmental, and conservative man. A month into their relationship, he began giving her "rules" she should follow. Some of them included no cussing, no smoking, no getting drunk, but it got progressively worse. 

She was not allowed to send emojis while texting other men. She couldn't make dirty jokes with him or anyone else. She was not allowed to sound too happy or flirty while talking to the opposite sex, text other guy friends after 10 p.m., among others. She could only reply to her ex-boyfriend's message, whom she's friends with, on Facebook once every three weeks. "If he Facebooks me and it's been outside those three weeks, I'm not supposed to respond," she wrote. 

The double standards

Peter even had a problem with James, one of her closest guy friends, whom she views as a brother. He would ask her to show him their conversations, and got mad at her for saying "intimate things," such as taking a nap. At this point, she was afraid of losing her three good guy friends. A month later, she revealed that things got worse. She found that Peter had been in contact with his ex-girlfriend on Facebook, despite the rules he set for her. 

He even removed his call logs because he knew he was doing something he shouldn't have. Their chats had "inside jokes, flirting, and sexual references." The author finally got fed up with Peter's toxic behavior, broke up with him, and blocked him on every social media platform. Two years later, she shared that she is slowly healing from her trauma and even started seeing someone new.

Dos and don'ts in a relationship

Peter was insecure about his girlfriend and James chatting on Facebook. A survey conducted by LifeStance and Researchscape International revealed that social media convinced the respondents to believe that their partners are toxic (52%). Additionally, Peter was the one setting up "rules" and would often get mad at the author for wanting to hang out with her friends. 

A YouGov survey revealed certain boundaries Americans thought were acceptable and unacceptable in a relationship. 70% said telling a partner they were spending time with friends, without the said partner, was acceptable. 70% thought it was unacceptable to dictate who their partners could spend time with, and 74% disagreed that a partner should control what their significant other should wear. 

 Toxic people are not 'cartoonishly evil caricatures'

People were furious at how Peter treated the author and called out his hypocrisy. u/captain_borgue commented, "Weird how their 'rules' are always super f*cking important to their entire moral framework, but they never have to follow their own rules. Not enough money on Earth would be enough to relive my 20s." u/BigBirdsBrain added, "Abuse messes with your head way deeper than logic, smart people get caught in it all the time. Glad she got out and rebuilt her life, that’s the part that matters."

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