Parenting is a beautiful ride, agrees Jay Acunzo but he also states that it is multiple things at once - 'terrible and great, crushing and uplifting.'
There is no such thing as a perfect parent. We all try our best and hope we get most things right if not all about parenting. But we never discuss how difficult taking care of tiny kids can be sometimes. Only really talking to an active mom or dad can disabuse you of the idea that parenting is a beautiful ride without any obstacles. Podcaster and father Jay Acunzo is willing to be that parent who talks about the not-so-bright aspects of parenting. He took to Twitter to discuss his experience as a father. His post went viral instantly as it struck a chord with many Twitter users. He discussed how he thought of writing this post after spending three days with "dear friends, all of whom have kids ages 8 months to 4 years."
A conversation with these parents confirmed his feelings about "what the culture shares and even demands you share about having kids/being a parent...that it's precious, it's a gift, it's a joy, etc... is not what actual parents talk about or how actual parents feel." He also added how "every dimension of our life goes worse" since one becomes a parent. The only good part is the love parents have for their children. These parents decided to not reflect on the often-discussed joys of parenting and thought of sharing the difficulties of being a parent.
I just spent 3 days with dear friends, all of whom have kids ages 8mo to 4y.— Jay Acunzo (@jayacunzo) July 11, 2023
Something I need to get off my chest about being a parent of young kids and the culture we live in:
"We talked about the fact that our physical + mental health had gotten problematic," he wrote. He also discussed how their career, friendships, finances and even their relationship with their partners had suffered. Acunzo wrote about a couple he discussed parenting with. Acunzo also said, his friends "didn't sit around writing Hallmark cards to the joys of parenting," but they discussed the hardships that come with being the guardian of a kid as parenting is "impossibly hard" and how "every dimension of our life got worse...EXCEPT a new dimension called loving our kids."
What the culture shares and even demands you share about having kids/being a parent is that it's precious, it's a gift, it's a joy, etc.— Jay Acunzo (@jayacunzo) July 11, 2023
But this is not what actual parents talk about or how actual parents feel.
He wants these conversations to be common and not feel "ashamed" about having these discussions. Even while writing this tweet, Acuzno told himself, "Walk it back, man." "This is parenting," he wrote. "It is multiple things, fully. Terrible and great. Crushing and uplifting. At once." But parents don't feel free to discuss these problems. "Parents ought to be given more permission to say multiple things are totally true at the same time, because we feel ashamed to feel bad about our experiences otherwise." He also clarified that these difficulties do not mean that he regrets being a parent, as he wrote, "We wouldn't trade it...I routinely drop everything to console or play with them. I would, without thinking, take a bullet for them... But also? This highway is underwater." Many parents related to Acunzo and they have even thanked him for expressing his experience in the most unadulterated form.
0-4 years is a total blur. And just when you've figured out how to keep them alive, they learn new tricks like walking. Or seeing what does and doesn't fit up their nose.— Dave Kline (@dklineii) July 12, 2023
Wouldn't trade it, but those parents living this stage are earning their twice-yearly date nights right now.
@MariaFynskNorup commented, "Dream logic, totally the best description I’ve ever read about this. Thank you for an incredible thread." @Jean-YavesJault shared, "Very true, and no, the memory of these times doesn’t fade with age. Only the good parts remain and it’s wonderful to remember. You do wonder how you got through it. I think it’s easier if you just give yourself away to it — it is a selfless endeavor. Probably why it’s rewarding."
Thank you for articulating this so perfectly.— Zoe Scaman (@zoescaman) July 12, 2023