Man explains how boys are not raised to be men but to 'not be like girls' and it finally makes sense

Society expects people not to engage in certain activities or behaviors depending on their gender. However, people love to give others suggestions on what not to do, but hardly anyone offers genuine advice on what the right thing is. As such, a man on TikTok highlighted that most boys are not raised to be men but are raised "not to be girls." He gave several examples of how society dismisses men for having "girly" behavior but never tells them what to do as a "man," leaving them hanging. The person, who goes by @adviunsolicited on TikTok, took the platform to share his perspective.

"The harsh reality is, most boys are not taught to be men when they're growing up as boys, they're just taught how not to be women," the man began. The man was having a conversation over the phone with his aunt and mom about a cousin when the aunt said, "Oh don't do that. That's what girls do." The man asked his aunt to explain what had exactly happened and the aunt said that the cousin had gotten emotional and cried. The cousin is 7 years old. "It got me thinking, as a man who grew up as a boy, we’re never actually taught the things that make sense for boys to become good men." He pointed men often hear these things as they grow up, "Don’t cry. That’s what girls do. Oh, you throw like a girl. All girls are emotional. Only girls do that. Oh, you care about what you look like. That’s what girls do. Or you wash your face and use face lotion and use moisture right there. That’s what girls do."

"The mental gymnastics you have to do as a man to learn how to be a man while you’re a man is why so many men don’t have emotional maturity," the person pointed out. He expressed that this could be the reason why so many men don't know how to be good men. He emphasized how women are considered to be more emotional and men are known to bottle up emotions, but that might not be because women are more emotional than men. "In theory, women are more emotional because they’re allowed to be emotional from the time they were babies. They’re allowed to express how they feel. They’re allowed to have mood changes." The man added, "Men if you do that, you are ridiculed. So what happens is, I think men become these repressed adults who become irrationally emotional, until they act out."

The creator pointed out how it takes an entire community to raise a child, even when the parents do the central job. "Growing up I had many aunts and uncles. They imparted things in me everywhere I went and those are the experiences I draw from." He realized that many men don't have so many people to look up to and understand how to be. "How are you reinforcing what a good man or a good boy-like quality should be in a young man? I think millennials as parents are going to do such a better job at understanding the mental health of men," he shared. The man drew that from women's comments on a social media post who cared about men around them having good mental health. "I think the more men are able to have and express themselves, the more they are going to impart in their children."

People took to the comments section of the video to express their thoughts on the same. @briannascoggins wrote, "I feel like us millennial parents are changing this narrative because we've all realized this." @zohameanslight commented, "Sadly I find as I change this for my son, the world does not adjust to accommodate him. I have to constantly reinforce his sense of self. We have lots of conversations about his feelings." @ag_age remarked, "I think you're on to something. I think in general, our society tells people what NOT to be like, but doesn't always help teach HOW to have and develop positive qualities in a healthier manner."

You can follow @adviunsolicited on TikTok for more lifestyle content.