Man contemplating breaking up with fiancee who joked about him crying finds support online

Misconceptions about gender norms have given rise to stereotypical notions about men who cry, and this only restricts them from being vulnerable in front of their loved ones. The inability to express their feelings openly can lead to further distress and cause mental health issues that affect men and people around them. A 26-year-old man, u/LifWests, also had his share of stressful times at work and eventually ended up being teary-eyed in front of his girlfriend. A year later, he learned that his girlfriend, now fiancée, ridiculed him for crying and now wonders if the relationship is even worth it.

The man started his post by saying he had been in a relationship for 7-years with his 26-year-old fiancée but felt overwhelmed and struggled mentally when he was having a tough time at work last year. "Then one night, I just started crying randomly for no reason. My fiancée was surprised, but she comforted me and asked me what it was about. I told her it was life in general," he pointed out. Soon, things turned out to be fine and his life was back to normal followed by a promotion. "I realized I was just overthinking everything and that things were actually fine," he added.

But while he was struggling with his emotions, his fiancée was ridiculing him behind his back according to his fiancée's friend Ellie, who is also his sister's friend. "What happened was that Ellie and my fiancée were talking about green flags and what they love about their fiancés and what they could potentially be better at and my fiancée had joked about me crying last year and that she found that an ick," the man explained. Ellie found this too funny, but the man's sister couldn't take this lightly and instantly informed her brother. 

Upon learning about this, the man immediately confronted his fiancée and although she was nervous about it at first, she eventually admitted that she talked about "the ick" as a joke. "I told her I needed some space and my fiancée started crying and told me she was just joking about it and that she loved that I was comfortable expressing my emotions to her," the man pointed out. He felt offended that his crying was seen as a joke back then. "The thing is, I don't really believe my fiancée and I feel sad and hurt that she found my crying an 'ick' and that she joked about it with her friend," he wrote in the end. While he wondered if he was wrong to consider breaking the 7-year relationship for this matter, the internet reassured him that he was right.

"Guess how many times in 23 years I have joked about my partner's honest emotions to anyone. Never. How disloyal and disrespectful! Never mind getting the ick - what I feel when my partner opens up to me is love, warmth, and intimacy," said u/Advanced_Passage_492. "You aren't wanting to break up just because she said she had the ick. You are considering breaking up because she proved that it's not safe to be vulnerable around her. I'm not sure how you would feel going forward if you feel like you can't express your emotions around her," pointed out u/The_Clumsy_Gardener. "If the roles were flipped and this was the guy talking to his friends about how funny it was when his girlfriend cried and how he thought it was an ick, the answer would be obvious to everyone," added u/senderoooooo.