Man asks if he is wrong to refuse to help a friend after he was not invited to his wedding

When couples plan their wedding, close family and friends are usually the first on the guest list. A 37-year-old man expected the same from his close friend "John," as mentioned in a Reddit post. But he was shocked to learn from mutual friends that everyone was invited to John's wedding except him. Later, John called asking for help while on his honeymoon, but the man refused. Reddit user u/EntertainerKey8563 shared the details of the fallout.

He started the post by writing that he has been friends with John for the past 11 years. They met at a job in their mid-20s and used to regularly meet each other until the pandemic. He added that though their meet-ups have declined, they were not extinct. He then went on to talk about John and his partner, Jane, and that they have been in a relationship for the past 8 years and have been engaged for a little less than two years. So whenever they took trips, the 37-year-old was the one who took care of their house and their pets.

Moreover, he shared that he also helped them with other projects over the years and recently picked up Jane from the airport after a work trip during a snowstorm. "I have been present and helpful on top of our base friendship," he wrote. However, five weeks ago, things changed between him and his friend. "I find out from a mutual friend their wedding is coming up, and invites went out a while ago, everyone in our circle was invited except me. As a gay guy, I’ve experienced being iced out of some of my straight friends’ lives and events in ways minor and pronounced, but this one has definitely been something that has had me thinking about my time and energy with people," he expressed.

He decided to begin to distance himself from John and his fiancee. But a few days ago, John messaged him asking if he was around early to mid-August. He responded he was, so his friend asked him if he could look after their pets and property around that time. The 37-year-old politely responded that he couldn't. He said, "He calls to talk about it. We run through the same conversation, polite but a bit tense, so I finally say, 'I just won’t be visiting your home.'"

After a while, he shared that he was disappointed that he was the only one in their group who wasn't invited to the wedding. He added that he can't be helping them out like he has before. "I wrap up the call positively and sincerely with me wishing them a good wedding and trip, and that maybe we can grab drinks soon," he recalled. Later, Jane sent him messages saying that John was upset with her because she was the one who made the final calls about friends' invites and he was taking all this the wrong way. She explained that the others were invited because they had partners that took up spaces. "She adds that she hopes I'll change my mind and help them out because it would put John's mind at ease," he shared.

He ended the post by asking people if he was wrong for setting clear boundaries with them after what happened. "I try not to frame my friendships as transactional, but they obviously want something out of me here despite not inviting me to the wedding," he concluded. People on the social media platform backed the man and told him he was doing the right thing. u/handknitmittens commented, "This sounds like a really one-sided friendship and that they are taking your friendship for granted. Why would you keep putting time and energy into them?" u/couette-couette wrote, "The audacity: Jane called to ask you a second time to help, but still doesn't invite you to their wedding."

u/NotNobody_Somebody expressed, "Everyone except you? Now you know where you stand. John didn't stand up for you, Jane excluded you, and you are only important enough to pet and plant-sit, not to share an important event in their lives. I'm glad you said no. Continue to say no." u/ceziate said, "It’s really simple and basic relationship math here. If you’re close enough to be asked favors you’re close enough to invite, if your friendship isn’t worth inviting you then it’s not worth giving favors over."

In a follow-up post, the 37-year-old wrote about how he met John and that he apologized to him for whatever happened. He wrote, "John said the fault is his for not stepping up on my behalf, that he is sorry." John also told him that it might come as "hollow at this point" but he spoke to Jane and that he would be sent a proper invite for the wedding. Though the friend was happy that he could have a good conversation with John, he still wanted to keep his distance and wouldn't be attending the wedding.