Lesbian couples share how they decided who would conceive the child through surrogacy

The decision to have children is one loaded with a lot of responsibilities and duties and it comes with additional obstacles for same-sex couples. There are things they have to work through that opposite-sex couples don't even have to think about. We have, however, come a long way where there are other options to becoming parents including adoption and surrogacy. One thing is for sure. The fact that these couples would jump through all those hoops to become parents means that children going into these homes are wanted and loved. 

Many same-sex couples adopt children but others want to have biological kids which is possible through surrogacy. It is an expensive process. While gay couples will need a surrogate to carry their child, lesbian couples may choose to carry their child themselves. Someone took to the Ask Reddit subreddit to ask the lesbian parents on the site, how they decided who got pregnant? Which one of them would carry the child, who would donate the egg, are some of the factors that need to be taken into consideration. Some lesbian couples decide that they will both carry a child as this couple did a few years ago.

One Reddit user shared: My wife and I are good friends with a lesbian couple who had one carry the baby while they used the other's egg. Since one carried and the other is genetically the mother they each have a special attachment to the baby. I thought it was really neat. It seems like a common method lesbian couples would opt for. Another user wrote: My friends are going through that exact process right now! One of the women really wanted the child to have her genes (she’s also astoundingly, inhumanely beautiful so…), but she also is a working actress so pregnancy is complicated. Her wife really wanted to have the pregnancy experience so it was a super easy decision for them.

But there are other matters to take into consideration if the situation is not this ideal. Reddit user shquid, wrote: This was originally what my fiance and I wanted to do. My family is all very healthy whereas her family has had just about every possible medical condition there is. I have absolutely no desire to experience pregnancy. She wants to so badly I think she would offer to be a surrogate for just about anyone at this point. But the cost and hormone treatments for me just do not seem worth it.

User Numerous-Explorer explained the various possibilities of how lesbian couples choose to have children and said: I work with a lot of lesbian families. Usually, one might have a stronger desire to bear children so that is the one who does. Sometimes both do, so they may each bear a child. Sometimes it’s about genetics and someone with a condition or predisposition may ask the other to bear any children. Sometimes none want to bear children so they adopt, foster, surrogate. It’s usually just an honest conversation about who may want to give birth if anyone.

Some other things that go into deciding who should conceive, as per Co-Parents are fertility, age, their lifestyle. The website also stated: "All of these solutions require both partners to be on the same page regarding conception and pregnancy. Just as with any opposite-sex couple, same-sex couples must discuss the number of children they want and when they would like to start their family. And, just as with any couple trying for a baby, compromises may have to be made in order to ultimately reach an agreement."