J.M. Coetzee’s Nobel Speech reveals a universal ache: hoping your parents live to witness your full potential
'For whom, anyway, do we do the things that lead to Nobel Prizes if not for our mothers?' the celebrity asked.
Winning something as prestigious as the Nobel Prize must make for one of the most extraordinary feelings, and one wouldn’t want anything more than to share it with their loved ones. South African author and literary critic John Maxwell Coetzee won the honorary award in 2003 and couldn’t help but express the ache of not being able to share the moment with his beloved parents. The laureate, who won the award for his literary prowess, had a bittersweet speech to deliver on stage. In a clip shared on YouTube, Coetzee is seen being moved to tears as he imagines how his parents might have felt had they been alive for this honor. It’s a feeling many adults are connected with.
As he stood there in his best attire, some sadness was hovering over him. It was the grief of not being able to share the joy with his parents. He recalled a time when his partner remarked, “How proud” his parents would have been had they been alive. He mentioned that if his mother were here to see the day, she would have likely been nearing 100 years and would have probably struggled with dementia or some other condition and not been aware of what was going on. At the time, when his partner mentioned it, he confessed he had “missed the point.”
It was only standing on the stage in that winning moment that he pondered and realized, “Dorothy was right, my mother would have been bursting with pride. ‘My son is the Nobel Prize winner,’” he said. He then made a statement that made everyone in the room pause and reflect. “For whom, anyway, do we do the things that lead to Nobel Prizes if not for our mothers?” he asked. Silence filled the room. In those brief seconds, many laureates, nominees, and others might have thought about their own mothers. They then erupted into applause because they knew he was right. “Mommy, mommy, I won the Nobel Prize,” he remarked.
A man well in his 60s, standing on the platform with world recognition, calling out to his mommy — it was filled with love, grief, respect, and longing. He moved towards his conclusion with a poignant note: “Why must our mothers be 99 and in the grave long before we can come running home with a prize that will make up for all the trouble we have been to them?” Before he ended his speech with thanks, he once again mentioned, “To my parents, I am sorry you cannot be here.” Horace Engdahl, the permanent secretary of the academy, noted that the decision to award Coetzee the Nobel Prize was easy, reported The Guardian.
"We were very much convinced of the lasting value of his contribution to literature,” he explained, adding that it’s not how many but how insightful and priceless his work is. His phenomenal work pushed the academy to believe that he belonged “to our literary heritage." According to the American Psychological Association, middle-aged adults find it profoundly tough to deal with the loss of a parent because of the stage of life they’re at. The findings revealed that 44% of American adults lose one parent around the age of 49. This percentage nearly doubles to 79% by the time they are 59 years old. Debra Umberson, PhD, author of Death of a Parent: Transition to a New Identity, explained, “If you are 60 years old and you’ve lost your parent, you’ve spent 60 years of your life with this person.” Along with being parents for life, they also turn into mentors, confidants, and more, and so there’s “much to lose.”
British doctor Dr. Xand van Tulleken was fighting back tears as he recalled the words of the laureate. In a video shared by BBC Radio, he revealed that as a son and parent, he couldn't relate more to Coetzee's words. “You think you have said thank you, but what you’re waiting for is the moment you finally fulfill the promise they saw in you,” Tulleken added. So say thank you, tell them you love them, and don’t wait for a stage and empty chairs to let them know how much they’ve done in your life.
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