The woman has to make plans for every trip she takes with her husband and her brother-in-law but they have never thanked her or showed appreciation.
Marriages survive on compromise, but it is vital to know if it is a bridge too far. The effort should be equal on both sides so that one person is not left feeling all the burden. Moreover, there should also be gratitude, as, without respect, no relationship in the world can survive. None of these things are present in the relationship that Reddit user u/Emotional-Ad3352 shares with her husband and his family. Even after being together for 7 years and married for 3 months, she is the only one managing every plan for get-togethers and trips. Everything she and her partner do in the relationship is planned by her, with little to no input from the other side.
On top of this, she also has to contend with her husband's twin, who never thanks her or shows gratitude to her for arranging all trips. At the beginning of the post, she states she works in a high-stress job and doing all the planning is not easy for her. She and her partner are frugal with their lifestyle and love traveling. But even though both seem to enjoy the experience, it is only the wife who is involved in most, if not all, of the planning. She has to manage her job, savings, investments and travel plans.
The wife also mentions that her partner takes on a lot of domestic responsibilities, even more than her. She stated that her husband does laundry, cooks, and cleans the dishes. Though she still thinks, ultimately, it is she who does most of the work at the end of the day. So many responsibilities have an impact on her personality, causing her to become tense while he remains "easygoing" and someone most of their friends prefer.
Many women stay in such unbalanced equations for the sake of their relationship. Societal provisions also make it easier for men to have a sanction to overburden their wives. Such concerns are often put aside by the society. The wife was constantly feeling like she was in a quicksand being put down and unappreciated.
It is not it. The wife also has to contend with her husband's brother, who like her partner, is not thankful. He tags along on the trip and makes use of everything they purchase but does not show gratitude. Though she has been with her partner for 7 years, she has never been treated like family by her in-laws or his brother. She has brought him gifts for "birthday and holidays, texted and called him, and included him," but all attempts have failed. There is almost a feeling of being exploited and gaslighted, as every conversation she has regarding this with her husband and his brother ends up with them blaming her.
The whole thing took a toll on her during their trip to Hawaii. For the journey, she "researched hotels and flights, put together a schedule, booked hikes and dinners, rented a car, etc.," all the while brothers just complained and did not show an ounce of gratitude. She brought it up to the brother, who got defensive and said that when he told her "sunset was nice," he was actually thanking her. Her husband was more aggressive and threatened that if she canceled future trips, she would be disinvited from his family's Thanksgiving dinner.
The wife is planning to put her foot down. She feels burnt down and wants to alter their upcoming Italy trip. She plans to either cancel her portion or her husband's portion. On the other hand, she does not want to destroy her 7-year-old relationship on a whim. Therefore, she found herself on Reddit asking for suggestions. The comment section asked her to have the trip and jump ship from the toxic equation.
u/Crazybutnotlazy1983 gave the wife an elaborate plan, "Better to bail on them at the airport and let them fend for themselves in Italy. See the lawyer while they are gone." u/IAmHerdingCatz shared her opinion about the duo, "Your husband and his brother sound exhausting. I would make that Christmas trip to Italy for only one person and enjoy not going to the in-laws for Thanksgiving. NTA, but your husband and his weaponized incompetence sure is."