10 people share the major reasons why dating in the modern world is so hard

Modern dating is tough

One would think that better means of communication would benefit dating in the modern world. But that is not the case as very few people are able to find love and end up in unideal relationships. The emergence of dating apps and a plethora of messaging often lead to establishing shallow connections. Moreover, the paradox of choice can make it difficult to commit to a single person when there's a constant belief to keep exploring. Reddit user u/princeflare asked the community, "What do you think is the true killer of modern dating?" and the responses he got are so on point. Here are 10 of the best answers that shed some light on the problems that modern lovers face: 

1. Not making an effort 

Call me old-fashioned, but it’s the complete lack of mystique in my opinion. Part of the fun of dating pre-internet was learning about a person and getting to know them through conversation and shared experience. We are more connected than ever before but there is a loneliness epidemic happening. It all seems so cheap and seedy nowadays. u/Due-Explanation6717. Oh, I so agree. My husband and I flirt outrageously with one another in public to try and encourage young people around us. We are kind of old so they think it's cute lol. It is all verbal flirting and eye contact. As for young women and their behaviors, much of it is fed by social media. Put the phone down. See the world around you. u/Few-Gain-7821

2. Lack of a deep connection 

The gamification of swiping left or right on hundreds of profiles based on 2 seconds of first impressions, typing one-word messages, and then ghosting them or unmatching because you’re bored. Not treating them like actual humans. There’s always a new profile to move onto. I say this as someone who literally met their current spouse on Tinder, but online dating apps are (for the most part) very demoralizing. I couldn’t wait to get off the app and meet up in person to have a real human connection. u/hobbitybobbit

3. Just being tired

We're tired, boss. Just plain worn out, burnt out, run down tired. Work-life balance is dead, society is mentally draining, and literally everything worth doing costs money. When are you supposed to meet that person when you get home from work and immediately go to bed so you can be up at 4:30 to do it again tomorrow? u/Nkechinyerembi. This is everything, buddy. I feel this and I don't see myself getting married and for sure not having kids. I don't want to introduce a new life into a decaying world that refuses to fix its older generations' mistakes. u/pixelsandfilm

4. No places to meet

The death of the third place. There’s nowhere to go in our society that doesn’t cost money. u/mynameisryannarby. Yes to this! There are cute guys who come through the office, but it’s a setting where I can’t attempt taking a shot at interest without being looked at as a creep/facing repercussions on the job. Without common community gathering places where I have a shot at possibly bumping into one and making conversation, all there is is missed chances. u/BrittneyofHyrule

5. Escapism

I mean, life in general. But getting more specific, I'd say escapism. Social media, gaming, drugs and alcohol. It's all a way to escape reality and while it feels good in the moment, it takes you away from the process of growing as a person and growing with another person. It causes resentment, contempt, fucks with insecurities and has shifted the point of partnership from PARTNERSHIP to access. We're all traumatized and we're all running from something. u/ProduceDue7659

6. High expectations 

According to my 5 nieces, who are single in their mid-20s to early 30s, it's a problem to find a man who a) won't dump you if you don't sleep with them by the third date b) will commit and not cheat c) wants marriage and children in the future. They all say they're at the point of just wanting to focus on their careers because there are no decent men available to date after age 25. u/Appropriate_Bird_223. Your nieces sound like me. I’m exhausted just trying to date for all the exact reasons you’ve listed above. I’d much rather play video games, watch anime, and focus on my schoolwork and career than think about some dude/dudette. At least those give me my money’s/time’s worth. u/shaneylaney

7. Seeing it as a competition 

Frankly, pick-up artistry killed modern dating. So many men have this attitude that dating is a “game” and they need to “win”. Advice like “always talk to multiple women, hedge your bets” may work if you’re trying to hook up but attitudes like that kill genuine relationships. If you call asking someone for their number “going in for the kill” you are not mature enough for a relationship. When women say “there’s no good men” this is what they mean. So many men have grown up using manipulative tactics to get dates that they can’t snap out of those toxic habits. u/MatchAvailable634

8. Not having time

The true killer is lack of time. We have built our society in a way where we work 9-5 or at least 8 hours (some do more), work out a bit to keep healthy (even if that is walking it is still time) and then try to keep a healthy diet. This means that at least 5 days a week, there is no time to date and there certainly isn't any time to choose or look for something better/ more suited to you. I grew up in Greece and I came across people getting married so that they can share living costs. u/kungfuparta

9. Social media 

Definitely social media. Any time I’m in a relationship and take a social media break (disable my account), my partner or friends think the relationship ended. All I see on social media are posts about cheating being glorified, what the ideal man/woman is, or someone trying to speak for all on behalf of x gender. Social media makes you feel lonely and makes you feel pressured to live up to some societal standard that may not even be meant for you. If I don’t message fast enough I’m cheating. If I message too much I’m obsessed. It’s tiring trying to date as a 32F. I wish we lived in a culture where people did not feel like our private lives had to be shown to the world for someone else’s approval. u/SystemOfANoodle

10. Being emotionally unavailable 

Many people are way too emotionally unavailable while also dealing with untreated trauma. A lot of those people (good majority) are on dating apps. It’s easier to hide commitment issues and other red flags behind a screen. Or those looking for the next best thing. You match or go on enough dates with those people, you end up jaded and avoid dating, or eventually become one of those people. Also cannot forget trust issues. If you cannot trust, you control. Reddit