‘I didn’t want to be alive’: Meghan Markle reveals life as royal made her suicidal

Trigger warning: This story contains themes of suicide that some readers may find disturbing

Meghan Markle has revealed in an explosive interview that her life as a member of the royal family drove her to contemplate suicide. Markle made the revelation in a CBS interview with Oprah Winfrey. The actor opened up about life as a royal within a year of getting married to Prince Harry. Markle said her race was a factor in the treatment meted out to her and her son, Archie, reported The New York Times. She said members of the royal family were concerned about what the color of Archie's skin would be. Prince Harry also leveled accusations against the royal family. The couple exposed what they believe to be a toxic institution. The couple was also told that they did not want the couple’s unborn child, Archie, to be a prince or princess. 

Denied mental help
Meghan Markle, 39, opened up to Prince Harry that she was having thoughts of taking her own life. “I was ashamed to have to admit it to Harry. I knew that if I didn’t say it, I would do it. I just didn’t want to be alive anymore.” Meghan and Harry also revealed that the royal family refused to provide them security. Meghan Markle felt suffocated in Kensington Palace and wanted professional help to cope with life as a member of the royal family. Her attempts to seek help were turned down when she approached other members of the royal family because they felt it wouldn't be a good look on the institution. After having watched his mother being killed by the paparazzi and tabloids, Prince Harry was keen to protect his wife and was often seen in public holding her hands reassuringly. 

Kate Middleton made Meghan cry 
Meghan Markle also said that it was her sister-in-law, Kate who drove her to tears in a clash over dresses for the flower girls and not the other way around, as the British media had reported it. “A few days before the wedding, she was upset about something, pertaining, yes, the issue was correct about flower girl dresses, and it made me cry, and it really hurt my feelings," said Meghan, reported Dailywire. “I don’t say that to be disparaging to anyone because it was a really hard week of the wedding and she was upset about something.” Meghan said that she was being “blamed for something I didn’t do, but happened to me.”

The media reported that Markle had made Kate cry but despite it not being true, no one bothered correcting the media story. “Everyone in the institution knew it wasn’t true,” Meghan said, to which Winfrey asked why nobody spoke out to clarify the story."

Targeted by British media
The tabloids relentlessly attacked Meghan Markle, with Piers Morgan almost making it a feature of his personality. The British tabloids often targeted Meghan Markle and violated her privacy. Markle touched on it during the interview. "I think everyone has a basic right to privacy. Basic. We're not talking about anything that anybody else wouldn't expect," said Markle, reported Yahoo News. She said the media just couldn't wrap their heads around consent. "If you're at work and you have a photograph of your child on your desk, and your co-worker says, 'Oh, my gosh, your kid's so cute. That's fantastic! Can I see your phone so I can see all the pictures of your child?' You go, 'No. This is the picture I'm comfortable sharing with you,'" said Markle, highlighting the issue of consent.

She went on to reveal how the media would relentlessly follow her. "And then if they double down and say, 'No, but you already showed me that one. So you have to show me everything. You know what, I'm just gonna hire someone to sit in front of your house, or hide in the bushes and take pictures into your backyard, because you've lost your right to privacy ... because you shared one image with me.'" 

Meghan Markle wore an elegant black dress, designed by Giorgio Armani, with a striking lotus flower design, which her staff said symbolized revival and a will to live. She was also seen wearing a diamond tennis bracelet that once belonged to Diana. Prince Harry said his biggest fear was "history repeating itself,” recalling how his mother, Diana, was reportedly tormented and hounded by the British media and the Palace.

If you, or anyone you know, are having suicidal thoughts, reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline in the United States at 1-800-273-8255 (TALK).