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Husband wrote a performance review for his wife, sparking fierce debate

The woman's husband thought he was really helping her but was taken aback by her reaction.

Husband wrote a performance review for his wife, sparking fierce debate
Cover Image Source: Frustrated couple checking bills at home using laptop. (Getty Images/ EmirMemedoveski)

What better Valentine's Day gift could be than a performance review from your spouse listing all your strengths and weaknesses as a parent? Love is a many-splendored thing. Moreover, people express their love and admiration for their loved ones in numerous ways. Not everything is heart-shaped and covered with lace and roses. For some, like this husband who decided to take it up a notch by playing manager and writing a detailed report to his wife, being a stay-at-home mom did not end well for him. It doesn't seem very romantic for your wife, who slaves around the house taking care of all your needs. I mean, a performance review is the last thing she'd want.

The husband's daring approach landed him on Reddit's infamous "Am I the A—hole?" thread, where he asked the public to judge whether he had erred. The man explained that he lives with his wife, her 13-year-old daughter, their 15-year-old niece, and their 6-year-old daughter. He also mentioned that the dynamic in his household is pretty much mom and the youngest against the teens, with him being the referee between everyone. "My wife has taught the youngest that she can blame others for her actions to avoid consequences," he says. "She just says the word, and one of the teens will get punished without question." There’s no doubt; she is my wife’s favorite. "I love her, but she’s becoming nothing more than an entitled brat."

He then gave the example of his three children swimming in the pool while their parents were away, which was against the rules of the house. However, only the teens were punished and the 6-year-old was not. It necessitates serious marriage counseling, or perhaps now would be a good time to act like the boss and write a performance review. "We have had countless, tiring arguments." "She'd either not see her faults or we’d agree to do this and that, but it was never actually done," he said. "I decided to write her a performance review as a SAHM. Her areas in need of improvement—well, it was a lot. But I touched on how she needs to listen better and stop being biased. Be fair in all her decisions, and stop making rash decisions without considering all three kids. "I recommended she give each child the same amount of one-on-one alone time to speak or just be with one another."

His wife did not take this review very kindly. "I guess I felt this would work best because I could organize my thoughts on paper without her interjecting," he mused. "However, it quickly backfired in my face." She was quiet for the first hour after I handed it to her. Then she completely exploded on me and said if we’re going to do this type of sh*t, she’ll get a private bank account and take half my paycheck every week. She further said the review was abusive and a manipulative, sexist move. "Moms take care of the children, the husband, and the household nonstop and for free." Of course, if someone gave her a thorough report, she would go nuclear.

Reddit / u/Garrbie
Reddit / u/JohnLikeOne


Reddit / u/Garrbie
Reddit / u/Sputnik918



Reddit / u/Garrbie
Reddit / u/voiderest


Reddit / u/Garrbie
Reddit / u/Hppmg


The comments were mostly people giving the husband his report card, and it was quite messy. "ESH. The concerns you have are legitimate, and they need an urgent solution. But the way you went about it is unhealthy. The parenting of your children is not a project. You are not her boss; you are her husband and the father of her kid. "Giving her a performance review comes across as condescending and, as she said, manipulative," commented u/ScentedPasta. "Right. So, since everyone here stinks, the judgment should be ESH. The wife is an AH because of her obvious bias against the teens, and the husband is an AH because of the performance review. "I do agree that therapy is needed for everyone in this family," wrote u/Additional-Tea1521. When communication is difficult, it is reasonable to write a letter to your SO, but making it look like a performance report insinuates that they are subordinate to you and can be disciplined, which is wrong.

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