Husband refuses to give up 'golfing tradition' to babysit stepdaughter, asks if he's wrong
Husband wonders if he was in the wrong to deny babysitting after it was made clear to him that he was not a father figure.
Balancing personal hobbies with family responsibilities can often be tricky, but what happens when a step-parent is asked to take on more than they agreed to? A Reddit user u/Logical-Carpet-4381 sparked a heated debate online after refusing his wife’s request to babysit his stepdaughter on Saturdays. The 38-year-old explained that he and his wife, Jane, 34, have been married for five years. Jane brought her daughter, Emily, 9, into the marriage, but from the beginning, she made it clear that Emily didn’t need a second father figure.
“I was only supposed to be a trusted authority figure in case she ever needed anything,” he wrote. “I didn’t mind and tried my best to respect that boundary.”
He described Emily as a sweet and well-behaved child, noting that her biological father is present in her life. Recently, Emily’s father remarried, blending his family with his new wife’s two children. This change caused friction between Emily and her new step-siblings, prompting her father to request a change in their custody arrangement. The new schedule aligned Emily’s time with her step-siblings to minimize conflict. Jane agreed to the change without consulting her husband, and this decision quickly led to complications.
Jane is enrolled in a certification course that meets on Saturdays with classes from 9 am to 5 pm, leaving her unable to look after Emily during those times. She asked her husband to take on babysitting duties, but he refused, explaining that Saturdays were reserved for his long-standing golf tradition with his siblings.
“This has been our tradition from before Jane and Emily came into my life,” he said, adding that it’s an important bonding activity for him and his siblings. When Jane suggested he reschedule his golf outings, he explained that wasn’t possible. “My siblings also have jobs and families of their own, so Saturday was the best day for us,” he wrote.
Jane then proposed canceling golf entirely for the next year, a suggestion that didn’t sit well with him. “She got mad and said golf is stupid and I should put my stepdaughter over my siblings,” he shared. “That pissed me off, so I told her I’m not going to sacrifice my hobbies just so she can have a free babysitter.”
He emphasized that his refusal didn't reflect his feelings toward Emily. “For the record, I don’t have anything against Emily. I’ve babysat her before, and she’s a good kid. If there was a family emergency or if it was an occasional occurrence, then yeah, I would cancel golf for that day. But I can’t give up something this important to me for 12 months continuous,” he clarified.
The disagreement led him to turn to Reddit for advice. u/SirRabbott supported his decision, saying, "Pretty straightforward. Sounds like the child’s parents need to figure this out, not the trusted authority figure.” u/SmallBeany pointed out the irony in Jane’s request, " 'Jane told me Emily doesn’t need a second father figure as she has her dad to fill that role.' I honestly would remind her of this." u/livelife3574 observed, “The ex and his family can’t make the situation work with Emily. She is being dumped on you, the person your wife stated isn’t a father figure for her.” u/FunBodybuilder4620 criticized both parties: “ESH except Emily. No one seems to be putting her needs first."
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