Man explains how he increased his wife's mental load with a simple question he could have avoided

Communication is an essential factor when you're managing the household. Whether it's talking to your spouse or taking care of children, thoughtful communication can go a long way in ensuring the smooth running of a family. Small mistakes tend to build up over time, straining individuals and often stand a chance of leading to big misunderstandings.

Instagram user Zachary Watson (@realzachthinkshare) is on a mission to share "personal and generic examples of how we fail at sharing the domestic, mental and emotional load" in relationships and how it impacts others. He has a long-running series that involves him analyzing how partners can create a "mental load" for each other through a lack of proper communication.

A thoughtful video he shared recently—captioned: "BOOKMARK for next time you need to articulate why their question is annoying"—has got 367,851 likes and 5.4 million views on the platform. This particular video is "Part: 110" of the series and involves the miscommunication that happened between him and his partner Alyssa while feeding their child. He talks about how she made blueberry muffins, which his child adorably calls "fluffins."

The child wanted to have the muffins and he decided to give her a few bites of it. Just as he was about to feed the muffins to the child, he asked his wife, "Alyssa, do you think that these muffins are too hot to feed to her?" His wife, who seemed to be doing something else, replied, "They just came out of the oven, Zach. Of course, they are."

As soon as he asked the question, he realized how stupid it was. He recalls how he was there while they were made, heard the timer and saw the steaming muffins being taken out of the oven. Zach reflects on how he could have taken a few seconds of his time to inspect the muffins on his own instead of pestering his wife. Doing so would have allowed him to know whether they'd cooled down enough to give to his daughter.

He says, "Many of you know me. I talk about these tiny little examples all the time." Zach then explains how such small things matter a lot. While asking the question, he had no idea what his wife was doing in the other room. In case she was doing an activity that required a certain amount of thought, she would have had to "switch directions with her brain" to be able to answer his question.

He then talks about how all of these small instances added up to create what he called "decision fatigue." Zach ends the video by offering help to others and directing them to his book, "The Mental Load." Zach's observations resonated with a lot of people, especially women, who shared their thoughts in the comments section.

@drmorgancutlip said, "So good! Love how you call out and notice these small examples. They really do add up!" Another Instagram user, @vicky.pham, commented, "Well said. I simply stop answering stupid questions. You're an adult. Figure it out."

@i_dig_dirt shared, "I'll serve my husband a steaming hot dinner and he'll ALWAYS ask, 'Is it hot?' I've stopped answering." The video serves as an excellent example of just how important communication is and how it affects couples. Thinking before you speak can prevent misunderstandings and make things easier for both parties.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on September 8, 2023. It has since been updated.