Hinge survey reveals Gen Z’s ‘question deficit’ is blocking real romance before it can even start

First dates always have nervousness riling up within us, and that’s normal. However, research finds Gen Z is unable to overcome the feeling and actually go out there and establish a connection. A new Gen Z D.A.T.E. (Data, Advice, Trends, Expertise) Report from a recent Hinge survey revealed that many young adults want to create a good emotional connection but fail to do so because they cannot enforce that conversation. Men and women are afraid to ask questions that help them learn more about the other person and their interests. This is causing a communication gap that is keeping them from building a genuine rapport in the very first meet-up. But there’s hope — as experts pitch in ideas to help.

The report was shared by Hinge Labs and Lead Relationship Scientist Logan Ury (she/her) and Love and Connection Expert Moe Ari Brown, LMFT (they/he), who dove into statistics to better understand the dating game. "While Gen Z is the most fluid generation yet when it comes to gender and sexuality, old assumptions about identity, gender norms, and mixed signals still shape how daters communicate," researchers write. 49% of heterosexual Gen Z women reported that they are not so confident about initiating good emotional conversations. 42% of women from this group also mentioned that they didn’t think men would want to have such conversations on the first date itself. However, 65% of heterosexual Gen Z men said that they actually wanted to have decent interactions. Coming to the question part, both parties feel like they don’t want to overdo it with questions. "This factor, identified by Hinge as The Communication Gap, captures the disconnect between the deeper connection daters want and their willingness to initiate it," the report reveals. 

62% of heterosexual and 61% of LGBTQIA+ Gen Z daters feel they ask enough questions on a first date. But only 30% and 25% respectively said that they actually ask enough questions. “When there’s a disconnect between how we think we should act and communicate, and how we actually want to act and communicate, it can lead to really unfulfilling dates. Dates feel stronger when both people try to contribute in the ways they actually crave,” Brown noted. But, there’s hope. 84% of Gen Z Hinge daters are looking to build a genuine bond and interaction with the opposite person, despite all the stereotypes and hesitations. 

And there are simple ways to do this. Just be yourself first before all thinking can cloud your mind. “Answer, then reflect. If your date asks you something, answer — and then ask them the same,” Ury suggested. Master certified dating coach, Amie Leadingham, revealed that thoughtful and intentional questions can be a great “dating tool.” Asking open-ended questions can help with seamless communication while adding to bonding. She shared her own list of questions to ask, for instance, “What is the best advice someone ever gave to you?” “What gives you joy? or What disappoints you?” and “What is the one thing people always misunderstand about you?” Susan Winter, bestselling author and relationship expert, noted that there are a heap of questions you can pick based on what the flow of the date looks like.

But one important factor is to ask them in your own style. Winter recommended adding humor or sharing opinions and making the conversation light but meaningful. 48% of Gen Z men hold back from emotional intimacy because they don’t want to seem “too much.” However, 43% women pointed out they are open to connections as such. So in the bargain of thinking and doing, we’re really missing out for no reason at all. There’s nothing better than being honest during your first date; it doesn’t have to be like an interview, but neither does it have to be an awkward disaster. Ask away, and it will lead to knowing more about each other. Who knows, maybe your date has a magical voice, or maybe humor at its finest, or maybe they met Shakira, or might make the best pizza. You’ll never know until you ask. 

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