When a Reddit user asked folks what the most creative insults they knew were, they did not disappoint.
Using the same old insults can get boring. Luckily for you, Reddit user Qwzpb asked the good folks of the thread AskReddit what the most creative insults they had used or heard were, and they did not disappoint. Here are some of the wittiest, funniest, cleverest ways to slam dunk someone who just gets on your nerves.
1. You are what you eat
'If you ate trash, it would be cannibalism.' I was mad about a tweet. - Delica
2. Double entendre
Was at a baseball game. Dude in the crowd yells to the batter: 'I've seen better swings on a porch!' - feedthehogs
3. Ding ding ding!
'You're right at the top of the Bell Curve aren't you...' Brilliant because it sounds like a compliment. - Khal_Andy90
4. One for the insult bank
A quote from Firefly: 'I'm guessing you weren't burdened with an overabundance of schooling.' - AnotherJasonOnReddit
5. Watch out, Karens
In my line of work I deal with a ton of rude people on the phone. When I finish the call with these Karens and Kens, I just tell them, 'Have the day you deserve' then click. - Anon
6. Everyone is valuable <3
'100 million sperm and you're the one who made it? You should have been used for stem cell research.' - Riff-Ref
'You have room temperature IQ.' I can't remember where it is from, but I say it all of the time. - vegancunts
8. The act of subversion
Me at swimming pool: 'Dad, I don't see any of my friends here.
Dad: 'Just find the oldest fattest idiot and ask him to be friends with you.'
Me: 'Looks around for a quick minute and turns back to dad.'
Me: 'Want to be my friend?' - JrOstrich
Some guy was mocking me for looking young so I told him I'd rather have baby face than a face that looks like smoked salmon. He got pissed but his mate stopped him and said, 'No, that's fair.' - Goaheadidareyou
10. You can't insult what you can't see... Or can you?
Something I heard on Malcolm in the Middle, and it's seared in the back of my mind and I will use this against someone someday. I can't wait until then. In one episode Lois is out with her boys and their new neighbors. The neighbor kids were acting up and their mom wasn't doing anything about it, so Lois asked that mom to take care of her kids. To which that mom said, 'Are you questioning my parenting?' Lois responded, 'I don't know how I can, I haven't seen any.' I'm just waiting to use that myself. - llcucf80
11. A little bit of Greek mythology
I don't remember which sport I was watching, but a fellow crowd member shouted out: 'If the ref had one more eye, he'd be a cyclops!' - sgf68
12. I'm too busy laughing to write a witty headline
I held the door open for an older Black woman at work one day (I am pasty White) and she looked at me dead in the eye and said, 'F*ck you, mayonnaise monkey,' and went through the door like I was not there. I had no f*cking idea if that was an insult or how I should take it, so I had to go find a black co-worker to get a ruling... He died laughing and started calling his friends on speaker phone. I am haunted to this day. - DeliaKing