The foundation of good parenting lies in spending meaningful time with your children. Harvard researchers emphasize the need to actively listen and ask open-ended questions to understand their perspectives. These conversations can help you learn how your child views themselves in the context of their home, school, and community. By listening and engaging, you not only build trust but also model empathy, which teaches them how to care for and understand others.
Harvard psychologists studied what it takes to raise 'good' kids, here are 6 tips
It's important that parents only praise 'uncommon' acts of kindness.
Parenting in the digital age comes with its unique challenges, but at its core, raising compassionate, independent children remains rooted in timeless principles. According to Harvard researchers, the key to parenting isn’t about sticking to a particular style but rather focusing on fundamental values like kindness and empathy. They identified six crucial principles for raising well-rounded, caring kids, starting with the importance of quality time.
Hang out with your kids
If it matters, say it out loud
It's important that kids get the message clearly when you want to communicate with them. According to the researchers, "Even though most parents and caretakers say that their children being caring is a top priority, often children aren't hearing that message." Be sure to spell it out to them, so they understand the importance of being caring. You could also check in with those who interact with your kids such as teachers, coaches and friends to gauge their behavior.
Show your child how to "work it out"
You can help them make decisions by trying to identify the root of the problem and helping them fix it. For example, if your child wants to quit a certain activity, ask them to identify the reason why they want to and then work in tandem with them to see if that problem can be solved. Try to explore if quitting does solve the problem. Make sure they also understand how other people are affected by their decision-making.
Make a helpfulness and gratitude routine
"Studies show that people who engage in the habit of expressing gratitude are more likely to be helpful, generous, compassionate and forgiving—and they're also more likely to be happy and healthy," noted the researchers. They add that parents should help their kids develop the habit of helping others and expressing gratitude throughout the day. Researchers say parents shouldn't praise kids for every kind act and should reward "good" behavior only sparingly. Researchers recommend parents "only praise uncommon acts of kindness."
Check your child's destructive emotions
"The ability to care for others is overwhelmed by anger, shame, envy or other negative feelings," said the researchers. It's important to help kids navigate through their negative emotions and help them remain focused on being caring individuals. Setting clear boundaries is very important as a parent and they'll understand the same are being demarcated out of love and concern for their safety.
Show your kids the bigger picture
"Almost all children empathize with and care about a small circle of families and friends," said the researchers. While it may feel natural to care for those around you, it's important to care about people who are socially, culturally and even geographically outside their circles. Exposure through travel, meeting new people and embracing new cultures can help widen their worldview and do away with prejudices that may have taken form. Parents can also show examples of people exhibiting empathy and kindness in the news and entertainment, to emphasize the importance of being kind to others. "Raising a caring, respectful, ethical child is and always has been hard work. But it's something all of us can do. And no work is more important or ultimately more rewarding," reads the study.
This article originally appeared 2 years ago.
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