Find yourself roped into boring plans? Harvard instructor has the perfect hack for those who 'can't say no'

Are you terrible at saying no, even if it puts you in uncomfortable situations? Well, you aren't alone; many struggle almost daily because they don't know how to decline an offer or request politely. Vanessa Van Edwards (@vvanedwards), a Harvard instructor and author, however, has a fantastic hack for such people. In an interview with Lisa Bilyeu, Edwards explained how, instead of reacting immediately, one must pause and purposely delay one's response. In fact, she asked people to never agree or disagree to something in person; rather, take a little time off and reply in text to avoid awkward confrontations.

Edwards explained that it's incredibly difficult to say no to someone's face because it might lead to awkward confrontations, leaving you second-guessing your decisions. So, to avoid such situations, she suggested people mindfully dodge saying yes or no in person. Instead, Edwards insisted that people request some time, go back home, and reply in text, because that will allow them to think and respond mindfully without making a hasty decision. "Always default to 'Let me check my calendar and get back to you,' or 'Hey, let me check my phone and get back to you,'" Edwards said. She also explained how one shouldn't feel the need to justify saying no to something. "You are allowed to say no, just for the sake of saying no," she added. However, one doesn't need to be rude when declining a request, and it's always ideal to offer a little kindness. 

Edwards explained it in a hypothetical scenario: your friend insists on going to a nightclub when all you want to do is relax at home. "You could say, 'Have a great night; I hope you have a wonderful birthday. I'm so sorry I can't attend. If you want to go to brunch the next morning, I would love to do that,'" she said. The struggle to say no to someone may also arise because some of us, especially women, may be instinctively "people pleasers." A YouGov survey of 1,000 U.S. adult citizens found that nearly half (49%) described themselves as people-pleasers. It was also revealed that women (56%) are more likely to describe themselves this way than men (42%). On a similar note, 52% of American respondents confessed they often struggle to say no when someone asks for something, and again, women (55%) are more likely to experience it than men (49%).

Meanwhile, reacting to Edwards' video, @sashwizz commented, "This. In the past, I would usually agree to things without thinking (a part of my people-pleasing) and then later tap out because I didn't think it through properly. That usually resulted in others (understandably) getting angry with me for being flaky. Now, I always make sure to buy myself time so that I don't say yes on the spot." Similarly, @mahaaliofficial said, "Boundaries don’t require explanations." However, @stfuego, who had a different perspective on it, shared, "Ehhh, sometimes the explanation matters. Giving yourself time like this is just delaying the inevitable. Tell them no, and that you just don't want to."

You can follow Vanessa Van Edwards (@vvanedwards) on Instagram for more lifestyle content.

More on Scoop Upworthy

Parent's take on saying 'no' to kids instead of lying is eye-opening: 'It's not fun'

Mom teaches her son to not be a 'people pleaser' — and all parents should take notes

Mom teaches her daughter how to maintain boundaries with a super fun song and people are here for it