Groom defends trans best friend when bride asks him to choose someone else as his best man

Weddings often represent love, togetherness, and family—a blend of traditions and beliefs from diverse backgrounds. But what happens when tradition meets inclusivity? Reddit user u/Elegant-Scholar-7566 faced an unexpected challenge while planning her wedding with her fiancé, Kevin. Kevin had always intended for his close friend to be his best man, but when the friend, Amy, transitioned to a woman, things got complicated. Kevin still wanted Amy by his side as his "best woman," which led to some tension.

The couple had first thought of getting married a few years ago. However, they had to postpone their wedding due to the pandemic because they wanted the situation to improve enough for their family members to come together. As their rescheduled day approached, there was a big problem they had to face; Kevin's best man was not his best man anymore but his best woman. "Kevin and Amy (MTF26) have been friends for a little over a decade and when they first met up, until two years ago when our wedding was supposed to happen, Amy identified as a man. Kevin and Amy have always had a very close, almost sibling-like relationship. Kevin had been kicked out by his mom at 17 and met Amy at work shortly after. She's been very close with him and he's told me multiple times that she is the closest thing he has to any family," the bride-to-be explained in her post.

Initially, Amy decided to "come out" to Kevin after the wedding. But when it was postponed, she came out to him eventually. He accepted her wholeheartedly and promised to support her, including finding a dress that matched the groomsmen's colors. For Kevin, having Amy by his side as his best woman was non-negotiable. However, his fiancée faced a different dilemma. Her family held very traditional views, and she worried that Amy’s presence in the wedding party might provoke unwanted attention or even hostility. She felt torn between supporting her future husband's closest friend and maintaining peace with her family.

"This has led to a large fight between the two of us, with Kevin threatening to cancel the wedding if Amy can't be part of the wedding party because he wants someone from his family in it," the bride-to-be continued. Kevin emphasized that the wedding, though important to his fiancée and her family, held less significance for him without Amy's inclusion. Meanwhile, his fiancée struggled to make Kevin understand the potential fallout with her family. "I'm trying to get him to understand the issues this will cause, but I'm not sure he gets it," the woman wrote, concluding her post by asking people's opinions.

The woman faced a lot of criticism, as people accused her of being transphobic and using her family as an excuse. They also argued that the term "traditional family" is often used as a code for being homophobic, transphobic, racist and generally intolerant. "Your family's views are the problem. And that you're more worried about them than your future husband's decision. It is a MARRIAGE, not a one-day wedding," said u/Possible-Plane-756. 

"This is incredibly transphobic! Amy is his best friend. When your fiancé chooses her as his best man, you have to respect that and so does your family. Your family is the problem, not Amy. And you should hold your fiancé‘s back and support his decision if you want your relationship to last," added u/realstareyes. "This! 'Without consulting me, Kevin told Amy he was okay with all that.' All... what? Is Amy wearing a dress? Amy putting her soul on the line and trusting her best friend with who she is? What does Kevin need to consult her over!" shared u/WheresMyTan.