Days after losing her son, a mom found his senior speech — one line made her feel he was speaking to her
'Life is really unfair; in fact, a lot of the time, it's unfair, and there is not a single thing you can do to change it,' his notes began.
Grant, an 18-year-old boy, once asked his mother, Mary Herridge, what her biggest fear was. Without hesitation, she answered, 'Losing you.' Just six weeks later, that fear became her devastating reality when she actually lost her teenage son to a tragic accident. Today, Herridge has accepted that she can never meet Grant in person again, but refuses to believe that their relationship is over. In Anderson Cooper's podcast (@allthereis), the grieving mom also opened up about how her late son's notes have been unexpectedly helping her stay connected to him even after his death.
When Grant asked his mom about her biggest anxiety, Herridge couldn't think of anything other than the fear of losing him. She told him that she fears he'll die, and that will be the end of her, unaware that only six weeks later, that would actually come true. However, the grieving mother who once feared her son's death explained that now that she is living through it, she can still feel his love and the bond they shared when Grant was alive. "I do feel his presence, and I do feel like the conversations have continued," Herridge told Cooper. Grant was a writer, and just before his death, he was preparing a speech for his senior year. His mom, however, found it only after he was gone. "Those words... they are what's teaching me in my grief," Herridge confessed. Grant, in his notes, had mentioned how life is often unfair to people. But knowing that we can't change anything, we must focus on finding joy in whichever way we can. "His notes say, 'Life is really unfair; in fact, a lot of the time, it's unfair, and there is not a single thing you can do to change it. So the only thing that you can change is your perspective, so why not choose joy?'" Herridge explained. The mother confessed she feels like her son is asking her to move on and focus on finding joy in little things through his heartfelt notes.
A team of researchers studied 40 families who had been grieving a child's death to understand how they stay emotionally connected to a deceased person who died from cancer. 36 mothers, 24 fathers, and 39 siblings were interviewed 3 to 12 months after losing their loved ones. The results revealed 97% purposely continued their connection to the deceased child through different ways, such as thinking about them, talking to them, or doing things they would've done. They also found that more than half (58%) of the respondents said continuing a bond with someone they have lost is actually comforting; only 10% said it triggered negative emotions or made them uncomfortable. This explains why Herridge, too, found comfort and a purpose in life through her late son's notes.
Meanwhile, reacting to Herridge's story, @jennyl523 commented, "You truly can have a relationship with the person who passed. Today marks 2 1/2 years since my son was killed in a car accident, and the driver left him to die alone. I still cry every day, but some cries are 'happy' because of the little signs my son sends me. I always seem to get a sign when I truly need it." Similarly, @jules_btown shared, "Thank you for sharing your very personal journey with grief. Having kids the same age as your son, I can relate to this fear as our kids journey out into the world. I am sending you so much love." @laura_behling_hamblin said, "Conversation and relationship do continue. I know and feel those feelings from my experience."
You can follow All There Is with Anderson Cooper (@allthereis) on Instagram for more such Inspirational content.
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