Woman's grandma warned her about the '5-year-stranger' theory and it changed her life completely

Darlene (@regenesis_spinalflow), a nervous system practitioner from Canada, used to spend a lot of energy "trying to be liked" and prioritizing them over her own self, until her grandma told her about the "5-year stranger theory," which changed her perspective entirely. Her grandma explained to her how every person she knows now might become a stranger in only five years; they might not disappear, but they also won't be around her — and it's given us one of the biggest lessons adulthood teaches. Darlene posted the tale on her Instagram profile on January 6.

Almost everyone, including her coworkers, neighbors, and people for whom she constantly changed herself, would be gone from her life, Darlene's grandma told her. "That’s how life works. People flow in, people flow out, and you don’t get to control who stays," she explained. When Darlene heard her grandma enlighten her about the 5-year stranger theory, she was in awe of the profundity. She immediately questioned herself for all those times she'd said 'yes,' even when every bone in her body wanted to disagree. "If so many people are only here for a chapter, why do we build our lives around keeping them comfortable?" Darlene asked. She urged people to invest their time and energy where it truly matters: build a life that feels good to you, and not necessarily to others, "...because in five years, they might be strangers again, but you’ll still be here," she added.

People often try to mold themselves to fit into the so-called society; they're always cautious about how they're perceived, and having good terms with others becomes their priority. However, research suggests that a people-pleasing attitude can have adverse, long-term negative effects on their life. The constant urge to satisfy others can also lead to tangible physical health consequences besides mental anguish, mostly due to stress. Cortisol levels remain high, which then affects the immune function, vulnerability to cardiovascular diseases, sleep patterns, and reduces overall physical well-being.

Researchers Roy Baumeister and Mark Leary, in their seminal 1995 paper, "The Need to Belong," explained how a people-pleasing attitude often holds back people from trying new experiences, sharing original ideas, or taking life-changing risks. Sometimes, not taking risks can also result in losing beneficial opportunities. They avoid it not because they're not interested, but because they fear criticism. In short, people-pleasers exhaust themselves both physically and mentally by repeatedly choosing acceptance over authenticity.

Meanwhile, reacting to Darlene's post, @floridahikerchick commented, "Yes, people come in and go out of your life… It’s like a train ride. Some get off at the next stop, some stay on for a long while then get off… and some (very, very few) stay on for the entire ride." Similarly, @ladybugbetsy52 shared, "Stop for a moment and thank God for every single, solitary person who has passed through your life from Day 1. Each one has left a piece of themself in you in their own way. It’s how we develop who we are. The good ones stay; the not-so-good ones go their merry way into another life. Be a good one in someone’s life. It’s how you make lifelong friends." @jean.5291 wrote, "People come into your life for a reason or a season. Someone who sticks around after that, you can count as a true friend because that takes time and energy."

You can follow Darlene (@regenesis_spinalflow) on Instagram for lifestyle content.

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