Grandma garners support for refusing to babysit 3-year-old because of his mom's strict rules

A child's "firsts" are always special for parents, but when the desire to witness these moments turns into an obsession, it can create tension within the family. A grandmother, u/Otherwise_Lead_936, faced this issue when her daughter-in-law refused to let her experience certain activities with her grandson because she hadn't done them first with his mom. This led the grandmother to tell her daughter-in-law she would no longer babysit, prompting her to turn to Reddit to ask if she was being too harsh.

"I'm looking for a second opinion. I have always been close with my son and daughter-in-law and think we have a really good relationship," the woman began. "They live just a mile down the road, so we are together quite a bit. Babysitting has started to cause some friction though and I want to make sure that I'm being reasonable." The woman has a three-year-old grandson who is quite a sweet child. The daughter-in-law is a stay-at-home mom and her son works Monday to Friday. "I babysit my grandson two days during the week, so my daughter-in-law can have a break and typically one evening/night on weekends for them to have a date night."

"My daughter-in-law has this rule that she wants to be there for any 'firsts' that my grandson does," the grandmom shared. "I get that. Though her definition of 'first' is very broad." She disclosed how the firsts don't just include places like a zoo but things like "first time at a new park, first time seeing a new TV show, first time playing with a toy, etc." The grandmother felt this was just a little over the top, but she didn't have a problem respecting that. "The issue happens in that she doesn't do any of these firsts," the woman explained. "I'm really not sure what they do all day when they are home, but everything I ask to take my grandson to do, she says it is a first that she wants to be there for, but then she doesn't do it."

Because of that, whenever the grandma babysits, she is stuck at her house with her grandson doing nothing. "So, the other day, I told her that I think it would be a good idea for her to relax the first rule a bit so that I can take my grandson to do some things while I am babysitting. She did not like that and said I was trying to take memories and special moments away from her," the grandmom shared. "I'm not trying to overstep, but a bored three-year-old with no way to burn off energy is a lot to handle and so I told her I don't know if I could babysit as frequently with the rules as they are. She accused me of blackmailing her."

People took to the comments to support the grandma and offer some advice. u/BaseTensMachine wrote, "I think it's better to just say, 'I want to be able to take the kid outside, so let's knock out some of these firsts so we're not trapped inside anymore. I will be happy to babysit again once you give me three places I can put on my rotation.' If she pushes back on this conversation, talk to your son and ask him to help you get some of these firsts out of the way. Because seriously, all she has to do is go to the frigging park once so that you don't have to be trapped at home. There is like... A REALLY easy solution here."

u/CollegeEquivalent607 commented, "I would also say to her daughter-in-law that if that doesn't work for you this week, it's probably better that you don't babysit that day." u/BiofilmWarrior suggested, "Or that she's welcome to join you if she doesn't want to do it sooner than you've planned."