Girlfriend's refusal to wake boyfriend up nearly costs him his job — asks if it’s really her responsibility

Being in a relationship doesn’t mean one partner should shoulder all the responsibilities or take the blame for every problem. While love often involves supporting each other, it’s unreasonable to expect anyone to manage trivial issues for someone else. A 25-year-old woman, known as u/ThrowRA_StoneTowne on Reddit, shared how her decision not to wake her boyfriend early almost cost him his job. Her post about their strained morning routine sparked a heated debate online.

“My boyfriend of almost a year has struggled with waking up in the morning because of his Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD),” the woman wrote, claiming her partner slept through all of his alarms. It left him little time to get ready, and he usually got late for work. Sometimes, his reporting time at the office got delayed by 10–15 minutes, but it could also stretch to an hour. However, to his luck, the always-late worker’s boss had shown kindness, earning him plenty of chances.

The boss’s patience eventually wore thin, leading to an ultimatum: improve punctuality or lose the job. It prompted a back-and-forth between the girlfriend and her 25-year-old partner, which eventually led to an argument about her not taking responsibility. “But I don’t. Despite me waking up from his alarms and being able to shove him out of bed (if need be), I don’t think it’s my responsibility,” the woman explained. The girlfriend went on to express her frustration over her adult partner not being able to manage his ADHD despite his diagnosis as a child.

“He should by now have found some method that works. Him making it my responsibility turns me into a caregiver, a mother, instead of a girlfriend,” her post explained further. Although she had done her part in the past, her efforts failed to produce fruitful outcomes. “I had done plenty of research to find alternative methods, but either they didn’t work, or he refused to try them,” the woman said. She recalled how she even tried waking her boyfriend, only for him to go back to sleep right after the alarm went off. “Had he not done that, I would gladly wake him up every single day.”

“Not to mention the fact that he is especially grumpy/angry in the mornings and has, on several occasions, yelled at me for both waking him up and for not waking him up,” the girlfriend revealed. Additionally, she explained how she still fears offering any help, as her partner might get mad at her. “But when his boss gave him his last warning yesterday, I felt so much guilt. Is it my responsibility, and am I in the wrong for not helping?” she asked. Further, she elaborated in an edit to her post about her own messed-up sleep schedule. “I can’t sleep before him because our bedroom has no door (small apartment) and his TV or gaming keeps me awake.”

“I wish I could sleep an hour longer without worrying if he got up,” she said. Moreover, in another edit to her post, she added that she had an open conversation with her boyfriend, who took responsibility for his behavior and confessed, “He felt that way because he felt like a failure for not being able to do it.” For now, he promised to work something out for this issue. Her post invited reactions from the Reddit community.

“Don’t feel guilt for things that are his responsibility. He is a grown man. Don’t let him guilt you either. If he were single, he wouldn’t even have the option of someone waking him, but regardless, it’s not your fault,” u/RantyMcThrowaway remarked. u/PrettyBlueFlower added, “I say this as a mother of an ADHD kid. As part of his growing, we’ve taught him to respect alarm clocks.” “I’m also an adult with ADHD. He also needs to go to bed at a more reasonable hour. I bet that’s the biggest issue he’s having with waking up,” u/naranghim shared.