While a lot of Gen X parents don't think therapy is necessary, this mother's transformative journey is an inspiration.
Going to therapy is one of the hardest yet easiest things one ever needs to do. While it is quite normalized and appreciated in today's generation, it isn't the case for Gen X. For them, therapy still has a lot of deep-rooted stereotypes and taboos attached. That's why the video posted by Fabulous Fifties (@fiftiesrediscovery) in response to a question that said, "No seriously, where do the accommodations end? When does it crossover into abuse? Honest question" is very important.
The mother began the video by saying that she completely understood where this question was coming from. She said that she reluctantly joined therapy only because her son gave her an ultimatum: either she went for therapy or he would cut off all ties with her. She then begins to talk about her experience at therapy. She said that after she started going, she began to do things a little differently. However, she immediately expected and wanted her kids to reciprocate by stepping up. She also talks about how, despite her anger and wish to rant about her son or his behavior, the therapist pushed and helped her to focus on what she did that'd help her heal.
She said that she eventually gave in and they started digging into her trauma. That led to a lot of major revelations for the mom. She said, "Oh, wait a minute, my mom was traumatized and then she handed it down to me and then I handed it down to my kids." This realization led to another one that stated that the access her kids had to mental health information had led to them being able to distinguish good behavior from toxic behavior. Since her kids understand what trauma means, they are understandably pushing their mom toward dealing with hers and healing. She said, "Even if they have not found a way out of that trauma yet, they know what a toxic mom is."
She then talks about how going to therapy has helped her heal and deal with her trauma. She says that the more she goes to therapy, the closer she can feel getting to her kids again. She made an excellent point, saying, "It also taught me another thing and that is that my kids have trauma and so it's not abuse, they're not abusing, they weren't abusing me. They were coming from a place of pain." She adds, "We're all coming. Whenever we're hurting other people, we're coming from a place of pain." She says that her kids' pain comes from her lack of empathy when it comes to their emotional needs. She says how she used to be a stickler for rules at a terrible level. She said, "But if we're teaching our kids to follow the rules at the expense of their emotional safety, emotional intelligence, emotion, teaching them, emotional regulation, they are going to have trauma, in all honesty."
Being honest helped the mom break intergenerational trauma and heal her relationship, not just with the kids but also with her parents. In the comments, @aliciakeshlerdosa sympathized and said, "Thank you for sharing this and healing for yourself and your kids! How can I talk to my mom about healing herself where she would listen?" @sparklingconversations expressed, "All I want is my mom to understand that I know she had it worse, but I still had it bad and that all I want is for her to recognize that."
@amydunnesdaughter___ broke down as she said, "This made me cry so hard. This is all I wanted from my mother. For her to understand her trauma." Talking about how things weren't like that for her, @ktclyzm said, "I asked my mom to get help for her own trauma and she said she was too old to change." On that note of wishful thinking, @livelaughleaveearly also said, "I wish my mom would just... fix herself. Instead of constantly trying to fix me." @lore.ethereal's comment summarized everyone's feelings as they said, "So many of us desperately wish that our parents would have this realization. I’m in tears, accepting once again that I’ll never have this with my mom."