First-century Roman lawyer's letter to friend after being ghosted by him is a laugh riot

Whether it's a friend or a date, getting stood up is always disappointing. It's even worse when you've put a lot of effort into planning a nice dinner party. This age-old problem even troubled the first-century Romans! When Roman lawyer Pliny the Younger was stood up by a friend, he hilariously expressed his disappointment in a letter. American comedian Rob Delaney read this letter at a Letters Live event in London's Royal Albert Hall, and the audience was thoroughly entertained.

The letter dates back to 97 AD, when Pliny invited his friend Septicius Clarus for an evening of delectable dining and lively conversation. When his friend ghosted him, Pliny responded with a hilariously outraged letter. "Shame on you. You promised to come to dinner and you never came," he wrote. Pliny was so offended he wanted to take his friend to court and make him "pay to the last penny for his losses." He then detailed all the interesting things Septicius Clarus missed out on.

"Ready for each of us were lettuce, three snails and two eggs, barley water with honey wine cooled with snow (you must add the cost of snow as well, in fact, the snow in particular, as it melts in the dish). There were olives, beetroot, gourds, onions, and countless other delicacies no less elegant. You would have heard performers of comedy, or a reader, or a lyre player, or even all three, such is my generosity!" Pliny elaborated. Pointing out his friend's snubbing, he said, "You preferred to dine at some nobody’s house, enjoying oysters, sow’s tripe, sea urchins, and performing girls from Cadiz." Pliny added, "You’ll be punished for this, I won’t say how. What boorishness was this! You begrudged perhaps yourself, and certainly me – but yes, yourself as well."

The Roman lawyer wanted to ensure that his friend realized how great their dinner could've been. "What joking and laughter and learning we would have enjoyed! You can dine in many houses on more elaborate fare, but nowhere more genially, innocently, and unguardedly. Farewell!" he wrote. This amusing letter had the internet come up with creative imaginations of the situation from centuries ago. "Before passive aggressiveness was invented, Romans were just straight-up aggressive," said @Tysto. "I would love to dine with Pliny the Younger, especially when he has a list of entertainers and excellent food to offer. This is an opportunity that I could not miss," chimed in @kristenrosales2919. "People have always been petty," joked @jcsrst.

Turns out, Pliny had eventually reconciled with his snub friend. In the book "Letters of Pliny," translated by J.B. Firth, Pliny credited his Septicius Clarus for encouraging him to compile and publish his letters. Pliny added, "I have made such a collection, but without preserving the order in which they were composed, as I was not writing a historical narrative. So I have taken them as they happened to come to hand. I can only hope that you will not have cause to regret the advice you gave and that I shall not repent having followed it, for I shall set to work to recover such letters as have up to now been tossed on one side, and I shall not keep back any that I may write in the future (sic)."