A bride-to-be left her fiancé after he demanded that she follow a strange tradition his family followed.
Listen, families have a lot of weird traditions when it comes to marriages. Like, A LOT. However, no matter how prepared you think you are for this story, it's best to brace yourself because you're most probably not ready for all the weirdness that's about to hit you. Taking to Reddit's relationship advice forum, a troubled bride-to-be explained a sticky situation she found herself in two days before her big day. User FarReference3 shared that her fiancé's family had a weird tradition - his father would essentially have to "inspect" her vagina prior to their wedding day in order to guarantee her hymen was intact, hence signifying her purity. I'm sorry, but what decade are we in again exactly?
She wrote: My fiancé proposed to me about eight months ago. We decided on having a relatively small wedding which is in two days. Everything was going great. He seems absolutely perfect and we are very much in love. I am a virgin and so is he, he wanted to save it for marriage and I wasn't fussed so I agreed to saving it. He has told me earlier that in his family the father checks the virginity of the bride the night before the wedding. I laughed this off as it seriously sounds like a massive joke. No, turns out, he was dead serious. He wants me, the night before, to open my legs up in a small ceremony type thing so his dad can check me while him, his brothers, and uncle can watch so that they know I am still 'pure'. I told him, fat chance I am going to do that and he was begging to me to go through with it and how important it is for him. He said he knew it was slightly embarrassing for me but his mom did [it] and it will prove how much I love him and that I have nothing to hide anyway as I am still a virgin. I left and he was crying, it was very dramatic.
Let's get one thing clear first: a vagina's hymen can wear, tear, break, pop, and simply not exist for a multitude of reasons, including participation in sports, accidents, and genetics. Checking someone's hymen to ensure they're still a virgin is, simply put, biologically incorrect. Secondly, let's address how "virginity" tests can't be applied in the same manner to men (not to say that all those who have vaginas are women nor that all women need vaginas). Why are women expected to conform to this higher standard of purity whereas men aren't? Finally, no one should be okay coercing their partners into doing something they don't want to do - sexual or otherwise - under the pretense of love. Of course, fellow Reddit users were quick to point out these red flags and tell FarReference3 to get the heck outta there.
Milesmx responded: In all honesty, this sounds borderline cultish. If you really wanna marry this man, you should not allow him to push you into something you are uncomfortable with, it would be a very bad start to the marriage. You're... Inexperienced sexually so from that information there's a chance this will be your first experience showing your genitals to someone who is not a medical professional. Do you really want those people to be all your fiancé's immediate male family members? Mayday_dnaenae added: Any time a person tells you “______ will prove how much you love me,” they are manipulating you. You shouldn’t have to “prove” you love someone if you’re planning to marry them. Don’t let him play mind games like that. Bbeneke pointed out: You may not have an intact hymen. Most females don't. This proves NOTHING! Plus it's disgusting to even think about your soon to be in-laws looking at your tw*t.
Thankfully, FarReference3 was able to see the light and recognize her own comfort comes before any weird tradition that even the love of her life may have. In an update, she shared what happened when she told her fiancé that she did not want to participate in the weird practice. The former bride stated: I went and talked to him this morning. I told him that his father is not going to look at me and he needs to respect that. He was adamant that it needs to happen and accused me about lying about my virginity. I was trying to be calm and rational but he was not having it and just became [angrier]. I told him if he really loved me, he would stand by me on this and tell his father no, to which he slapped me and said he didn't need to prove anything. So I ended it and left him. Good on you, FarReference3. There are far better men out there who will respect your wishes even when you say no.