Father tweets hilarious conversations he has with his daughters. Here are 25 we're LOLing over.
Breakwell's daughters seem to have an uncanny ability to turn even the most mundane observation into a punchline.
James Breakwell might be a professional comedy writer but based on the conversations he shares on Twitter, his daughters are the real comedians in the family. Just ask any of the one million internet users following Breakwell on the social media platform and they'll vouch for the girls' ability to turn even the most mundane observation into a punchline. Speaking to Bored Panda about why his tweets are so popular with netizens, he said: "Everybody's kids are weird. No matter what strange, hilarious thing your kid did, somebody else's kid probably did something just like it."
I think I caught 'em all. pic.twitter.com/AdlDguJNjt
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 30, 2021
"That's why so many people relate to my tweets. They're living the same experience every day, if not with their own kids, then through some other kids they know or maybe even through memories of their own childhoods," he added. "There's a fine line between complaining about parenting and celebrating the struggle. Even in the most frustrating moments, I try to put a positive spin on it. Laughing is better than having a nervous breakdown." Here are 25 of our favorite tweets documenting Breakwell's conversations with his daughters in recent times:
1.
5-year-old: I drew a flower that's also a lion.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 4, 2021
Me: So it's a... dandelion.
5: *blank stare*
Me: I'll tell you that joke again when you're older.
2.
5-year-old: Can I have tape?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 15, 2021
Me: What do you need to tape?
5: Not my hair back on.
3.
11-year-old: I have more homework than usual.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 2, 2021
Me: Why?
11: The teachers don't want us to be happy.
4.
11-year-old: I'm having trouble with my math homework.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 13, 2021
Me: How can I help?
11: Get Mom.
5.
7-year-old: Can you whistle?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 2, 2021
Me: No.
7: And Mom married you anyway?
6.
7-year-old: I feel sorry for horses.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 13, 2021
Me: Why?
7: They can never ride horses.
The eternal curse.
7.
My 5-year-old is walking around the house saying, "Fries before guys," and I've never felt simultaneously so proud and offended in my life.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 26, 2021
8.
9-year-old: *gets ready for an elementary school fun run*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 9, 2021
Me: My goals for you are to run the whole way and not cry.
9: I have to do both?
9.
Me: *finishes all the leftover food on everybody else's plates*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 8, 2021
9-year-old: Wow.
Me: What?
9: We don't even need a trash can when we have you.
10.
My 5-year-old walked by and muttered, "I KNEW Old McDonald had a farm."
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 8, 2021
I'm not sure what conspiracy theory she just debunked, but I'm glad she discovered the truth.
11.
Me: I told you only two pieces of candy.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 1, 2021
9-year-old: I know.
Me: There are six wrappers.
9: But my mouth can only hold two at once.
12.
7-year-old: Did you know chickens are really dinosaurs?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 3, 2021
Me: That's what I've heard.
7: Can we have dinosaurs for lunch?
13.
Me: Why is this shirt in the laundry? Did you ever wear it?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 6, 2021
9-year-old: I just pulled it out of my drawer and didn't want to refold it.
14.
5-year-old: Do I have school tomorrow?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 4, 2021
Me: Yes.
5: Are you sure they won't forget?
15.
9-year-old: Something seems weird about dinner tonight.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 2, 2021
Me: We didn't turn on the TV.
9: I thought you guys were chewing awfully loud.
16.
7-year-old: Can we go trick or treating now?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 31, 2021
Me: It hasn't started yet.
7: I know. We'll catch them by surprise.
17.
5-year-old: Can I have soda for breakfast?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 15, 2021
Me: No.
5: But I have a good reason.
Me: What reason?
5: I want it really bad.
18.
Me: If I give you a quarter, will you go downstairs and get me something from the fridge?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 2, 2021
9-year-old: I know what a quarter is worth.
Me: So that's a no?
9: That's a heck yes.
19.
7-year-old: We should store up more bacon.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 3, 2021
Me: Why?
7: In case of the apocalypse.
I can't tell if I've failed or succeeded as a parent.
20.
11-year-old: *handing me a guinea pig* Are you sure your can handle this?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 31, 2021
Me: I raised four kids.
11: We raised ourselves.
21.
5-year-old: Look what I can do.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 21, 2021
Me: You're not doing anything.
5: I know. I can sit still.
It's a miracle.
22.
Me: *looks at houses on the internet*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 20, 2021
9-year-old: Are we going to move?
Me: No. I'm just looking and dreaming.
9: At least look at castles.
23.
9-year-old: Are you getting ready to ruin our night?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 30, 2021
Me: No, I'm looking up new recipes.
9: Same thing.
24.
7-year-old: I need a sword! Now!
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 29, 2021
Me: Why?
7: There's a bee in the kitchen.
No further explanation needed.
25.
7-year-old: Can we have ice cream?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 4, 2021
Me: It's the coldest day of the year.
7: It's always the same temperature inside.
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