He tries to understand whether his choice of not giving any special reaction to his daughter's coming out was appropriate.
Introducing a significant other to parents is a huge deal. However, if this introduction also involves coming out of the closet, the stakes go up significantly. Everyone has certain expectations regarding the meeting. People think that emotional reactions would be a staple of such interactions. However, a father on Reddit, u/Ok_Translator1301 had a completely different approach.
His daughter came out to him with her girlfriend, during dinner and he remained normal throughout. There was no over-the-top response. His reaction was similar to when his sons came home with their partners. In his opinion, that was the right thing to do as homosexuality is not anything different or unique. His wife believes that the situation warrants a special response and that made him question his decision.
The man and his wife were invited for dinner by their daughter. She and her girlfriend wanted to officially introduce themselves as a couple. At the dinner, when their daughter came out, his wife was overwhelmed and wrapped her in a big hug. She assured her that they love her and that this doesn't change anything. On the other hand, the father "did not react to her coming out." In his own words, "I honestly did not care about that part." He just wanted to make sure that her daughter's partner was a good person and did so by having conversations. The conversation was nothing out of the norm and the partner in the father's opinion, was a good and interesting person.
The mother was disappointed. In her opinion, their daughter arranged a dinner because she believed it was a special moment, implying that he should've had a special reaction. The father responded, "I did not care who she was attracted to all, I cared about was if she was happy." For him, love was love and it did not matter if it was between two girls or boys. The wife stuck with her point and believed he should have acknowledged the coming out as it was special for their daughter.
After getting some suggestions on Reddit, the father decided to set up a meeting with his daughter. Turns out, his daughter was totally okay with his reaction. In the meeting, she corrected him when he used the term "partner," and told him that she preferred "girlfriend." This caused the father to think a bit more deeply about the situation. Even though his reaction did not hurt her, this was uncharted territory for him and required more conversations.
The daughter did inform him that her girlfriend felt a bit weird and that he "brushed off the response and treated this situation as if they were a straight couple." Therefore, he decided to change his approach and arranged a new meeting with the couple to celebrate their relationship. He ended the conversation by saying that his "love for her would never change" and he "hoped she did not wait so long because she thought I would think differently." The father had a lot of gratitude for the people who stepped up to help him navigate the situation.
The comment section loved the initiative taken by the father to understand the situation. u/perfectpomelo3 believes that the father was great with his response, "NTA. I’m a lesbian. When I came out to my parents they basically reacted with 'That’s nice, dear.' My sexuality didn’t change my relationship with them. IMO that’s how it should be." u/ScooptiWoop5 was one of those who suggested a conversation with the daughter, "Just talk to your daughter and make sure she doesn’t wrongfully get the impression that you don’t care. Explain to her that it’s just that’s it quite undramatic to you and that you accept her 100% and thought her partner seemed cool. She’ll be happy."