Dad asks if he is wrong for keeping daughter hungry when she refused to order for herself

While parents are generally expected to always be nurturing, there are times when tough love is necessary for a child's growth. This was the case for a father, u/Prudent_Dream_8397, who let his daughter go hungry at a fast food restaurant because she wouldn't order for herself. His daughter struggles with social anxiety, and he hoped this would help her overcome her fear. However, he later questioned if he went too far.

"My daughter is 15 and she has social anxiety. She is in counseling for it and not on meds (not needed)." He further explained, "The rule in our household is that if you want fast food when we are out, you pay for it with your own money. If you don't have McDonald's money, you aren't going there. I also don't allow eating in the car, so we stop at places to eat." The dad-daughter duo had to run some errands, so he told her to eat something beforehand. However, the girl was not hungry at that time. "We go on our errands and halfway through, she wants to stop by Wendy's. I pull in and tell her to go order. I will get a seat," the man shared.

"She comes back a few minutes later and tells me she can't order. She doesn't want to talk to the cashier at the front of the store," the man stated. He told his daughter she needed to order her food or they would head out without their meal. "She asked me to order and I told her no. We sit for about 10 minutes when I tell her it's time to go," the dad pointed out. The man's daughter is unhappy because he didn't order for her, while his wife is upset that he let her go hungry. The man clarified that it was just a four-hour outing. "For those asking, yes, her counselor has told us she needs to start doing this stuff on her own. This was low risk. She literally gave the example of ordering food without our help. I also ran through a script with her at the table, but she wouldn't do it," he added to give some more background.

People had mixed feelings about the situation. u/Sunshine_Tampa wrote, "My 16-year-old has extreme anxiety in these situations as well. The first few times, she started the order and I jumped in when she froze up. Then she graduated to placing the order with me standing right behind her and not saying anything. Now, she often can order by herself, but there are times when she freezes up." u/FirstDukeofAnkh expressed, "Terrible advice from the therapist. Overcoming anxiety is not 'Leave them to suffer so they can do more.' That just reinforces anxiety. It needs to be a steady and positive march to overcoming the anxiety."

u/thecarpetbug suggested, "Next time, I'd recommend you go with her. She still has to order for herself, but you can be next to her as a supporting figure. I have social anxiety (and I'm autistic), and I also had a lot of trouble ordering food." u/MadamTruffle wondered, "It sounds like you're trying to help, but the post comes off as brusque and blunt. Is that how you speak to her when she's having anxiety? I'm just wondering if there are ways you can be more emotionally supportive and comforting (and to anyone who disagrees or says this is enabling, you can't brute force yourself or your child out of anxiety). Could you stand next to her while she orders? Or could she order at the drive-thru?"

This article originally appeared 3 months ago.