Person decides to sell ailing grandma's house to fund her care facility, but gets accused of giving away the family's legacy'

Selling a family home is never easy. It takes immense courage and an extremely distressing circumstance to force a person to let go of something their family has cherished for decades. When faced with a choice between preservation of an old family property and their grandma's nursing care, one individual had to make a tough decision that left their relatives displeased. In an April 21 post, an adult grandchild, u/sara_kelm, shared an instance relating to their grandma's dementia, which not only upset their family members but also exposed their true colors.

The dreaded diagnosis

Ever since their grandmother was diagnosed with dementia about three years ago, things had been going downhill. Once a sharp, independent woman who always kept her garden perfect, she could now barely remember anything. The adult grandchild was the only one who took care of most of her needs — from doctor appointments to her everyday activities. Relatives seldom came to help, and their paternal aunts visited about once every six months, only for photos to share on Facebook, showcasing how much they loved "grammy."

A few months back, Grammy's condition worsened, and the grandkid realized that she needed 24/7 professional care. The house had become a hazardous environment for her, and she would occasionally wander out on her own. Disorientation, aimless searching, confusion, sundowning, wandering, and a persistent desire to go home — symptoms like these make things even more challenging, not just for the patients but also for the family members caring for them. This is precisely why the adult grandchild decided to put their grandma in the best memory care facility in town.

Family pushes for 'cheap' memory care facility

When the grandchild began their search, they realized the care facilities were insanely expensive. Now, their grandmother had a decent pension, but it was not enough to cover even half of the fees. Having no other option, the grandchild decided to sell her house. "I am her power of attorney (my dad was supposed to be, but he 'couldn't handle the stress,' so she changed it to me years ago when she was still lucid)," they added. The decision, however, met backlash from relatives and family members, including their dad and aunts, who felt that they were being robbed of their “family legacy.” Moreover, the family suggested that the author transfer Grandma to a cheap state-run home. 

The grandchild's ultimatum

Infuriated by their greed, the caregiver bluntly asked them to buy the house at market value and contribute $2,000 to cover the monthly fees of a private facility. When all family members stepped back, the grandchild went ahead with their decision. The move, however, made things ugly between the author and their family. "Now half the family is blocking me and calling me a cold-hearted jerk for 'destroying our history,'" they confessed in the post. 

Most dementia patients are lonely

A study published in BiPsych Open documented that about 42.7% of dementia patients feel lonely and abandoned by familial relationships. Moreover, the study revealed that 64.3% of people feel socially isolated. Similarly, another study (by K. L. Prescop, H. H. Dodge, R. K. Morycz, R. M. Schulz, and M. Ganguli) across 116 elderly individuals with dementia found that nearly 33% of patients lived alone. Among them, only 50% had any caregiver support. Many elderly people, especially those with an illness, are often neglected or abandoned by their families. In the Reddit story, too, except for the grandchild, no one, including that granny's own kids, was interested in taking care of her. In fact, at one point, the greedy family members were even ready to compromise on her well-being, just to avoid selling her house. 

Viewers defend controversial move

Netizens chimed in to defend the caregiver, asserting that their decision was right. For instance, u/bonnm42 commented, "NTJ, If anyone is cold hearted, it’s your dad and your aunts. They didn’t care what happened to your grandma. They were just being greedy.” u/only-upvibes echoed the sentiment, also suggesting a practical side-thought, “You are doing the right thing. Just keep every receipt so you can prove where the money went. Family might try to say you pocketed their inheritance when there isn’t anything left.”

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