Introverts, take notes: A Harvard expert reveals 3 small talk tricks that actually work

Being an introvert isn't easy; in fact, building connections becomes impossible because you're always too scared to start conversations. Hence, introverts are more likely to lose opportunities that could be very beneficial. So how do we break free of the shell and become more confident in conversations? Well, Matt Abrahams, Harvard expert, shares simple tricks to master small talk that every introvert needs to hear.

1. Establish appropriate goals!

The first and foremost thing to consider before engaging in small talk is establishing goals, but our goal should not necessarily be coming across as a fascinating personality. "A lot of us go into these situations thinking that we need to be really fascinating, engaging, and interesting, when, in fact, we just need to be present and be interested in the conversation that's happening," Matt said. Not stressing about judgments also reduces the anxiety that often holds us back from getting into small talk, he added. 

2. Scared of making mistakes or sounding 'dumb'

"Mistakes are normal and natural in conversations," Matt said, but the thought itself is the #1 reason people shy away from small talk. The expert further assured that spontaneous conversations should be more about connection and not perfection. He explained how directors on set ask actors to perform a particular scene again and again until they get the desired result. "So, I would like people to reframe a mistake as a missed take; what you did wasn't wrong, but there might be another way to do it, and we can try it again," Matt said.

3. How to start and end a small talk gracefully?

No matter how hard we try, not knowing how to start and end small talk is actually why most people avoid casual conversations. Instead of simple phrases, Matt urges people to initiate conversations through questions connecting to the particular environment or context they're in. "Initiating with something that piques somebody's curiosity can really invite people," he explained. Now, after a smooth beginning, how does one continue and end gracefully? Rather than forcing yourself out of a situation with excuses, people should gently move towards ending the conversation. 

If you, too, are someone who is scared of small talk, then these three tips are definitely for you. In fact, you're not alone; in a survey of over 1,000 people, Preply found that 71% of Americans prefer silence over small talk. Further, the survey found that, compared to Baby Boomers, Gen Z is much more likely to be apprehensive about casual conversations. Meanwhile, Matt's tutorial on 'small talk' received an overwhelming response on social media, with people appreciating his valuable tips. Reacting to it,  a user who goes by @walterbravo6337 said, "As an introvert and a socially awkward person, thank you so much for these tips, professor. I'll try to put these into action."

Another user, @izzaacalley, confessed, "I wasn't exactly taught how to do small talk when I was younger; neither of my parents was a very social person. Then I started an apprenticeship with my now boss, who is a small talk master and a boomer (the best kind of small talkers); it is truly an art." Echoing the sentiments, @mnmlst1, someone on the spectrum, shared, "I'm autistic, and I can't stand small talk. I know some are important for building rapport, but I truly feel they are useless. I will definitely try this, because in my country, small talk is more important than everything else to survive."

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