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Expert explains why no two siblings are raised the same, and it resonated with so many people

Dr. Gabor Maté said that children are raised in different ways by the same family resulting in different personalities.

Expert explains why no two siblings are raised the same, and it resonated with so many people
Cover Image Source: Released by | Photo by Photo by Matěj Stránský

Editor's note: This article was originally published on October 18, 2022. It has since been updated.

No two siblings raised together are completely alike despite having similar experiences growing up. It is a puzzle that has perplexed many people over the years but one expert claims to have the answer. The Canadian talk show host Dahlia Kurtz talked about this in a TikTok video with Dr. Gabor Maté. She wrote in the caption of the video, "How could your sibling be raised the same but turn out so differently? Maybe even a narcissist? Dr. Gabor Maté has a fascinating answer. You’ll never see your sibling the same."

Photo by Matěj Stránský | Released by
Photo by Matěj Stránský | Released by


The TikTok video is a clip from her talk show "Dahlia Live and Help Live" whose video features Dr. Maté. The video starts with Dahlia saying, "Let's say people who are raised by the same parents in the same way, one becomes a narcissist and one doesn't." Dr. Maté replies, "Cause no 2 kids are raised in the same family, no 2 children have the same parent." 

He asks Dahlia if she has siblings she replies, "yes, older and younger." Dr. Maté says, "You weren't raised in the same family. You were never the oldest child, you've never had the experience of being the oldest child." He adds that Dahlia had the experience of being a middle child, "which is often very difficult by the way." He explains that is because "you neither have the respect and authority of the oldest and nor the cuteness and loveability of the youngest." 



He further tells Dahlia that when her parents had her and her younger sibling they might have been in a different phase of their relationship and life. He also shares his own experience of having a younger sibling until whose birth he was the only child. He explains, "All of a sudden I have to share my attention with this young interloper," and said that Dahlia's elder sibling did the same.

He further emphasizes the fact that no two children have the same temperament and evoke different parts of the parents. Hence, even if the parents love all their children equally they will respond to each in different ways. Due to these reasons, even though siblings grow up in the same environment they grow up to be completely different individuals. The video went viral on TikTok garnering almost 3 million views. Many TikTok users shared their own experiences in the comments. One person commented, "This man is making too much sense. My grandparents had 5 kids and none of them are similar in any way." Another said, "Yup! My brother was easier, therefore the favorite. We are very different, he’s much kinder."

Image Source: TikTok
Image Source: TikTok



"Yeah I’m the oldest and my younger siblings are over ten years younger. I was the experimental child and then forgotten when they were born," shared another. Dr. Maté is a speaker and a best-selling author and according to his official website he is "sought after for his expertise on a range of topics including addiction, stress and childhood development."












You can follow Dr. Gabor Maté on Facebook and Instagram.

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