Expert explains why love is just not enough to sustain a relationship: 'Anyone can fall in love'

People often say that love is enough to pull through any situation. However, that's not true and a lot more things are necessary to make a relationship succeed and that's what a psychologist who is also a professor says in a TikTok video posted on @thegottmaninstitute. "It's how you treat your partner in the small moments through respect, caring, and affection," says John Gottman.

The video begins with a clip from @jimmyonrelationships he talks about how love is not enough for a relationship to sustain. "The sad truth is love would never be enough to save your relationship at least not the way today's culture has to find it." He goes on to say that he doesn't even care whether the person loves each other or not. "Anyone with a pulse in the brain can fall in love," but he says that the hard part is that love doesn't sustain a relationship.

He emphasizes that connection, safety, intimacy, and trust do that. The person says better questions to ask are, "Do you respect each other?" "Does your partner feel respected and valued?" "Do you even care anymore?" "Do you serve each other mutually?" "Can you take accountability when you mess up?" "Can you repair a conflict together?" "Can you listen when they say you accidentally hurt them?"

He then talks about vulnerability in a relationship, he explains that if you are vulnerable in the relationship and create a safe place where the other place can be vulnerable and honest that's what is important. He adds that "how you love each other is what's going to make the difference." Jimmy also speaks about married couples, he says that "saying 'I do' doesn't mean you can." He shares that relationship success has nothing to do with a person's intention. "It has everything to do with humility and putting aside your ego, becoming a team together where each of you cares how the other feels loved, valued and prioritized," Jimmy states.

Gottman agrees with what Jimmy shared and says that what matters is how one treats their partner in small moments. "And if you communicate respect in those moments, affection and caring. If you listen to your husband when they are upset if you can respond without defensiveness is what matters," explains the psychologist.

The video gained 1.1 million views. People could resonate with what the two people shared. @brimcd44 commented, "When I left my ex-husband I quite literally told him I loved him but it wasn’t enough anymore to make up for the unkindness and disrespect." @nikkiandamuse wrote, "Absolutely! The biggest, continuing fight my partner and I have is when I bring something up (either something general or something I'm bothered by) and he becomes instantly defensive and/or dismissive." @shannonigans.ga said, "YE!!! When you don’t have those skills and when you don’t have that intimacy, the resentment just grows." @sophietsune1 wrote, "Being in love isn't enough, the choice to treat someone as you love them is what makes the difference."

You can follow John Gottman (@thegottmaninstitute) and Jimmy (@jimmyonrelationships3) for more content on relationships.