Burnout expert asked 20 women what they regretted most in life and they all had one answer

Many women deal with burnout for years without fully recognizing it. It often shows up as constant tiredness, mental exhaustion, and feeling disconnected from daily life, and there can be a lot of reasons behind it. Burnout recovery expert Dr. Kara Hanks (@evolvewithkara) interviewed 20 women over 50 in age to understand their main reason behind burnout and was astonished to find that motherhood wasn’t one of them, contrary to the typical belief. She shared the results on April 8 in an Instagram post.

Measure self-worth with 'service' 

According to Dr. Hanks, 18 of the women didn’t mention career or children, but one thing that was constant in all their answers was not paying attention to their physical and mental health sooner. “I regret not learning how to pay attention to my own needs sooner,” one woman reported to her. “I spent years ignoring my body, my instincts, my feelings,” said another one. One reported that they kept going even when their body was screaming for rest, while the other said they measured their worth by how much they could do for others. Burnout, she realized, is a state of over-functioning for everyone else while abandoning oneself through work, people-pleasing, or perfectionism.

It stems from 'not being heard'

The doctor said burnout came from years of worry, feeling misunderstood, and not being heard. Many women kept saying 'yes' when they wanted to say 'no' and delayed rest until the work was done. By the time they reached 50, many felt they had no choice but to slow down and pay attention. Some realized the work would never truly be finished, and how they handled burnout started to matter more. The doctor urged women to speak openly, stop holding themselves back, and start making choices for themselves. As she put it, “You don’t have to wait until 50 to come home to yourself,” she proclaimed. 

The 'sandwich generation'

Thousands of women viewers jumped into the comments section, sharing their burnout experiences and the relief they felt after reading this post. @2017sheree2 remarked that women today are living in the “sandwich generation,” a term Mental Health America uses to refer to “young to middle-aged adults who are simultaneously raising children and supporting their aging parents.” Nearly a third (29%) of caregivers find themselves sandwiched between responsibilities, which often leaves them exhausted, dry, and numb. Studies also indicate that burnout levels rise again for women later in life, particularly after 50.

“I am 44 and finally have met myself,” commented @moderntalkinging. @seren_fach_furniture._cheshire shared, “I wish I'd have put myself first years ago. I'm now so burned out and have C-PTSD after putting others first.”

You can follow Dr. Kara Hanks (@evolvewithkara) on Instagram for more expert advice on dealing with burnout.

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