'I've had no choice but to put myself and being a mother first, and then everything else I will do to the best of my ability,' Goulding shared.
Ellie Goulding wrote in one of the songs of her deeply personal album, "Brightest Blue": "I've been looking behind, bridge burned. I can see the flames. Things have changed." This song rang true for the British singer-songwriter as she became pregnant in the summer of 2020 and felt isolated in lockdown. However, those testing times led to her creating more cheerful and vibrant music, leading to her new record, "Higher Than Heaven," reports PEOPLE.
"I'm getting back to feeling myself again," Goulding shared. "I'm in the best possible place that I could be to release new music — minus the anxiety. That's something I'm still always struggling with."
The singer has always been honest about her anxiety, which comes in "scary" physical reactions like headaches, dizziness and heart palpitations. "It makes me feel really unsafe," she said. After welcoming her son Arthur, who is soon-to-be 2, with her husband Caspar Jopling in April 2021, she's experienced new challenges with her mental health.
"At times it was debilitating... Being around Arthur automatically zaps [my anxiety] away, and I feel like it's my body trying to mess with me because it's saying, 'We want you to be with Arthur all the time,' biologically," elaborated Goulding, who's felt anxious going back to work as a new mom. "I've had no choice but to put myself and being a mother first, and then everything else I will do to the best of my ability."
Having the support of her husband, Jopling, 31, however, has helped her in these tough moments. "He's way more rational and pragmatic than me," she said of her husband. "I delve constantly into the past and worry about the future. It makes for good songwriting, but it doesn't make for good mental health."
As Goulding prepared for motherhood following the release of "Brightest Blue," which dived deeply into romance and 21st-century womanhood, she wanted to take the pressure off her next venture. "I got pregnant, and I was like, 'Right now I just want to do a dance record,'" she explained about the inspiration for "Higher Than Heaven."
In this album, songs like "Easy Lover," "Cure for Love" and "Love Goes On" are not on Goulding, her husband or her son but on the experience of being a human. "It's much more of a pop venture than a personal venture of deeper feelings and poetry," she said of the creative process. "It just felt like being a kid again. I could do what I wanted. I wasn't overthinking the lyrics. It's so nice to do music that doesn't feel like it has to be overly interpreted and analyzed. It was just a bunch of great songs."
Goulding will also be bringing Arthur on her upcoming world tour. "I think he'll love it. He goes with the flow. He travels really well. He's getting some little ear defenders, and then I think he'll be good to go," shared Goulding, who is hoping he can stay awake long enough to catch one of her sets. "I'd love for him to see me sing at some point."
While battling anxiety can be really tough, we hope having Arthur's company by her side brings Goulding some comfort!