Seconds away from death, Dostoevsky realized his greatest regret was wasted time

Fyodor Dostoevsky, a Russian novelist, was sentenced to death in 1849 for his association with the Petrashevsky Circle, a group of intellectuals who discussed socialist ideas, banned books, and the oppressive government under Tsar Nicholas I. Although he survived execution, he was taken to Semyonov Square in Saint Petersburg, where he endured a 'mock execution' staged intentionally to scare him. Dostoevsky was so traumatized by the experience that he carried it throughout his life; in fact, his traumas reflected a lot in his writings. For instance, he wrote a letter to his brother, Mikhail, hours after the terrifying event, where he mentioned his biggest regret in life — wasting time.

Through his letter, Dostoevsky informed his brother that he was safe but was sentenced to four years of hard labor in a Siberian prison camp followed by mandatory military service. He also explained to him about the heart-wrenching experience he had hours ago when he was taken to the execution ground, all ready to face death. "There, the sentence of death was read to all of us, we were told to kiss the cross, our swords were broken over our heads, and our last toilet was made (white shirts). Then three were tied to the pillar for execution. I was the sixth. Three at a time were called out; consequently, I was in the second batch, and no more than a minute was left for me to live," Dostoevsky recalled. The novelist then confessed how he was only thinking about all the people he loved when he realized he was seconds away from death. Dostoevsky asked for forgiveness from whoever he had hurt and wished people would accept his apology. He said there is no resentment left in him; facing death so close has stripped all that away.

The Russian philosopher then mentioned his biggest regret in life. "When I look back at the past and think how much time has been wasted in vain, how much time was lost in delusions, in errors, in idleness, in ignorance of how to live, how I did not value time, how often I sinned against my heart and spirit — my heart bleeds," he wrote in his letter. Facing death so up close and near had made Dostoevsky value life more. Time that once seemed ordinary now felt precious to him. "Brother! I swear to you that I shall not lose hope and shall preserve my spirit and heart in purity. I shall be reborn to a better thing. That is my whole hope, my whole comfort," he confessed.

Just like Dostoevsky, many people do realize that they are wasting their precious time procrastinating, but only a few take steps to change. Especially with smartphones and so many social media platforms, procrastination has become a 'no-escape' game. But then it circles back to a never-ending loop of regret and repentance. In fact, a survey of 2,000 Americans across all generations found that most regret things that they haven't done more than the things they have done. That means they regret not utilizing their time doing something they should have. While a 40% of respondents said they regret not speaking up, 36% repent not spending time with friends and family, and 35% regret not pursuing their dreams. 

More on Scoop Upworthy

Man writes a final heartbreaking letter to granddaughter and it has left the internet sobbing

10 people share where following their gut feelings and living with no regret led them

Daughter found late mom’s 12-word note addressed to her while cleaning and it left her sobbing