The daughter refuses to remove her boundaries with her estranged father who left her when she needed him the most.
Family is supposed to be everyone's safe space, especially after losing a loved one. Unfortunately, that was not the case for u/Tasty_Resolve_4839. The time she needed her father the most, he disappeared on her. Now, years later, he wants to return to her life, but the daughter is not ready to accept his presence. On being asked, she gave him the whole truth, which offended him. Rather than seeing his own mistake, he lashed out at her and called her thinking "disgusting." The daughter, who shared the entire story on Reddit, garnered support from people who justified her response.
The daughter, 25, began the post by explaining how, for the first few years after her mother's death, she and her father were extremely close. Her mother died when she was 8 and when she turned 11, her father remarried and became stepfather to a 10-year-old. It was distressing to her, as she still needed him to process her mother's death and could not share him with someone else.
She explained the impact the new family had on her, "I was jealous as hell that my dad was trying to bond with her and that he called her his daughter and us 'his girls' right away." The change was too much for her to handle and after six or seven months, she began to notice how her father was spending more time with his stepdaughter.
The whole thing came to a head when she overheard him talk to his friend about his preference. He shared how he liked spending time with his stepdaughter because of similar interests. The father even went ahead and said that he hoped his biological daughter "hit the teen phase of not wanting my parents around me that much" so that he could spend more time with his stepdaughter. He also vocalized to his friend the resentment he carried towards his daughter for not accepting his wife's family. He believed that she was coming in the way of creating his picture-perfect family.
Hearing all this, the daughter decided to give her father the needed space. She allowed him to spend as much time as he wanted with his stepdaughter, not interfering in their relationship. Though she felt bad for him when the stepdaughter turned 16 and began distancing herself, she did not approach him. Recently, she moved in with her boyfriend. The boyfriend's father came to help move in all the stuff. After hearing this, her father was taken aback as she did not ask him for help. He expected to be involved in the process and struck up a conversation regarding that with the daughter. During the conversation, he finally asked her why she pulled away.
The daughter decided to give him an honest answer. She told him everything, starting from her jealousy to what she overheard, which led her to distance herself. Her father blasted on her, listening to all of this. He called it "disgusting" that she wanted to take away someone else's opportunity to gain a father. He justified his preference by stating that he is allowed to have shared interests with others. She justified herself by saying that she was a child herself, holding on to her "sole living parent" after the death of her mom. Moreover, if he did not want to get an honest answer, he should not have probed the topic. It made her father angry and he told her to "f**k off."
His outburst caused the daughter to rethink her actions and she came to Reddit for suggestions. People in the comment section were on her side. u/Ok_Tour3509 gave the daughter a suggestion and wrote, "He prioritized his feelings over yours every time. Be sure to always prioritize yours!" u/JackedLilJill shared their views and commented, "Unfortunately, your dad will never understand your side of things. It's best to walk away to avoid your heart being broken over and over."