Oldest sibling says she was treated like a built-in babysitter — and guilt-tripped when she moved out
They charged $600 rent while making her raise siblings, then used the money for a hot tub.
A post originally shared by u/BabydolllGirl — and later reshared by Someecards after the original was deleted — has sparked conversation about boundaries, family expectations, and what happens when the oldest child becomes a stand-in parent. The 23-year-old explained that she lived with her parents all through college. As the oldest of four, she became the default caregiver for her younger siblings, ages 10, 8, and 5. She was responsible for school drop-offs, pick-ups, cooking meals, helping with homework, and bedtime routines while her parents worked long hours.
When she turned 21, her parents told her, "You’re an adult now, and adults pay rent." They began charging her $600 a month. She agreed, thinking it was still cheaper than moving out and that it would help the family, but nothing about her responsibilities changed. She was still raising the children while now also paying rent. After graduating from college, she landed an entry-level job and decided to move out with a friend, and that’s when the backlash began. Her mom accused her of "abandoning the family," her dad called her "ungrateful," and her parents told her siblings she "didn’t want to live with them anymore." The children were devastated, and the guilt trips intensified.
Even after moving out, her parents frequently called to ask her to babysit "just for a few hours," which often turned into overnight care. When she declined, they told her, "We can’t afford a sitter, but I guess your family isn’t important to you anymore." The situation escalated when her little sister, during a FaceTime homework session, mentioned that their parents had bought a new hot tub "with your rent money." At first, she thought the child was mistaken, but a cousin later confirmed it; her mom had bragged that they were saving the "rent" for luxury purchases.
When she confronted her mother, she was told: "It’s our house, our rules. If we wanted to save your rent for vacations, that’s our right. We don’t owe you an explanation." Her mom then called her "selfish" for even asking. Now, her siblings cry when she doesn’t visit, her parents bombard her with guilt, and relatives insist she "owes her family loyalty." "Honestly, I feel very used," she wrote.
This dynamic is what psychologists call "parentification," where a child is forced into adult caregiving roles, and research shows how damaging it can be. A Columbia University study titled The Developmental Implications of Parentification: Effects on Childhood Attachment (Engelhardt, 2012) found that when children step in to provide emotional or practical care for parents or siblings, they are more likely to struggle later in life with insecure attachment styles. These patterns can make it harder to trust others deeply, form lasting relationships, and feel secure in adulthood. The sense of being "used" or "unappreciated" often lingers long after the caregiving ends, especially when the child’s contributions are dismissed or exploited.
The story resonated with many readers, and plenty called out the unfairness of expecting the oldest child to act as a live-in parent while also paying rent. u/Local-Silver-3162 added, "If this is how they start speaking to you, leave. If they call you and start yelling, hang up. You no longer need them, nor are you dependent on them. They’re using your siblings against you. Maybe for a while, your only contact with your siblings should be over the phone." u/-tacostacostacos wrote, "Sounds like they need a time out for a few months. Maybe they’ll change their tune when you make it really clear they have zero power over you." u/MildLittlRain commented, "You're not doing them any favor tbh. You need to let them face the reality of what their parents are like. You cannot be the rescue all the time. It's time to live your life."
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Woman takes a stand for herself when parents ask her to pay rent for her brother and his family
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