Dad tweets daily conversations with his 4 daughters, and they're both hilarious and wholesome
Every parent can relate to James Breakwell, having lived through many such moments. He has nearly 1 million followers.
Editor's note: This article was originally published on April 23, 2021. It has since been updated.
James Breakwell is a mini-celebrity on Twitter. If you don't know him, it's probably because you aren't a parent. Yes, Breakwell is a funny dad, and his tweets are mostly funny nuggets about his children's lives. Parents can relate to Breakwell's tweets and he has more than 1 million followers. He has four kids and has been sharing hilarious stories on parenting since April 2016. Breakwell hails from Indianapolis. He says his daughters love the attention they get from being the subjects of his tweets.
"They like what I do on Twitter mainly because it's all about them," Breakwell told Bored Panda. "On one hand, Twitter makes me a better father because I spend more time with my kids, answering all of their hilariously funny questions. On the other hand, Twitter makes me a much worse father because I only do it to get more material." To the credit of the four children, they are just as hilarious, sarcastic and snappy as one can be.
Here are some of his best tweets:
1.
5-year-old: Thank you for buying cheesecake.Me: It's just regular cake.5: Thank you for going back to the store to buy cheesecake.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 16, 2018
2.
[after seeing “Wonder Woman”]Me: What was your favorite part?5-year-old: The part before there were boys.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 19, 2017
3.
My 7-year-old turned on cartoons for her sisters and gave them bowls of cereal while my wife and I were still in bed.I've been waiting seven years for this moment.My kids are finally raising themselves.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 8, 2018
4.
My 5-year-old made up a middle name for our pig so she could yell it when she’s mad.The mom genes are strong with that one.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 27, 2018
5.
In case you were thinking about having kids, my 3-year-old complained that the water in her cup is too wet.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 13, 2017
6.
[waitress brings out the food]5-year-old: I don't like pancakes.Me: Then why did you order pancakes?5: I panicked.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 21, 2017
7.
5-year-old: What if I don't want to marry a boy?Me: Who do you want to marry?5: Chocolate.I hope they elope.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 22, 2017
8.
7-year-old: I'm the queen because I'm the tallest.Me: Then I should be queen.7: I'm the tallest one who's pretty.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 16, 2017
9.
5-year-old: I closed my eyes last night and now it's morning.Me: That happens.5: I think I can time travel.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 28, 2017
10.
4-year-old: I don't want any more long dresses.Me: Why not?4: I can't run from zombies.Valid concern.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 12, 2017
11.
3-year-old: Mommy married you.Me: Yeah.3: Why?Wife: Nobody knows.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 31, 2018
12.
7-year-old: It's Harry Potter's birthday.Me: How come you know his birthday but not mine?7: You didn't beat Voldemort.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 31, 2017
13.
My 7-year-old gave her three sisters a bath.I was so proud I didn't notice she didn't take a bath herself.Well played.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 1, 2017
14.
I asked my 1-year-old if she wanted pizza.She nodded so hard she fell over.So, yes, I'm sure she's mine.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 30, 2017
15.
5-year-old: I like being a girl.Me: Why?5: Purses hold more snacks.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 26, 2018
16.
5-year-old: Don't bear ass me today.Me: Excuse me?!5: Don't bear ass me.Me: Oh, don't EMBARRASS you.5: You're doing it again.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 27, 2017
17.
I'm glad we own 10,000 stuffed animals so my toddler can fall asleep cuddling with a jar of peanuts. pic.twitter.com/mIJKNg2DEp
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 21, 2017
18.
Me: Did you have a good day at school?6-year-old: That's not how school works.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 8, 2017
19.
Me: Only female mosquitos bite.7-year-old: I knew that.Me: You did?7: Girls always do all the work.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 2, 2017
20.
5-year-old: I’m not scared of monsters when I'm with you.Me: Well, thanks.5: They’ll eat you first because you’re fatter.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 28, 2017
21.
5-year-old: *slides a curly fry on her finger like a ring*Me: Are you married?5: I'm Frodo.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 10, 2017
22.
Me: What do you want to be when you grow up?5-year-old: A cat doctor.Me: A veterinarian?5: A doctor who is a cat.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 12, 2017
23.
5-year-old: Why can't dogs go to school?Me: Dogs are animals.5: They let in boys.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 18, 2018
24.
4-year-old: Can I have some of your candy?Wife: I got this for Mother's Day.4: You're only a mom because of me.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 13, 2017
25.
5-year-old: *wears an Elsa dress with a Wonder Woman cape and a Batman mask*Me: Which superhero are you?5: Me. pic.twitter.com/sioa1XJ0tL
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 6, 2017
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