Dad found his 17-year-old daughter’s car gone at night — how he reacted is a masterclass in parenting teens

Parenting isn't a one-size-fits-all formula, and every parent has a distinctive way of raising their kids. Some enforce strict and authoritarian rules, while others embrace a friendly approach to deal with their kids, especially the teenagers. However, David Meltzer, who goes by @davidmeltzer on Instagram, says the perfect approach lies somewhere in the middle. In a video posted on his Instagram account, he recalled an incident when, instead of shouting at his teenager, he chose to handle the situation peacefully, and that changed everything. So far, the Instagram reel has received over 27 million views online.

David's daughter was 17 when this particular incident occurred. She was out with her friends, while her father had no idea of her whereabouts. "I come outside, but I don't see my daughter's car," David recalled. He was scared, of course, and why wouldn't he be? It was his daughter after all. "I grabbed my phone, and I was about to call and scream at her," he confessed, recalling his initial reaction. But, instead, David chose a different path. He put down his phone and questioned himself, "Why am I so mad?" Self-introspection made him realize he wasn't angry; rather, he was scared for his daughter, scared that something bad would happen to her. After a brief moment of rationalizing his thoughts, David called his daughter. This time, he was calm, and he asked her where she was. Surprisingly, David's daughter was in her room, but she said her car was parked at the grocery store.

She told him that everyone had been drinking, so she left her car at the store and booked an Uber to get home. Appreciating her smart move, David explained how things could have gone the other way if he had shouted at his daughter. "Next thing you know, next time, people are drinking, and she's not going to take an Uber home," he said. David said that people react with anger mostly when they are overwhelmed with fear, and if they lead with that fear, it creates distance. "When you lead with trust, you build safety. That safety might be the reason your kid makes the right choice next time," he added in the caption. Parents often think being strict is the key to disciplining children, but, in reality, it disconnects them from their kids. In fact, children start keeping secrets from their parents because they are too scared to open up to them.

In a survey, the National Study of Youth and Religion (NSYR) found that 86.3% of American adolescents lied to a parent, and 90.2% confessed to keeping secrets from their parents. If only all parents understood David's approach, the number of kids lying or keeping secrets from their guardians would have been substantially less, and they would all be much safer. Reacting to the video, @meg commented, "This is how you help your children make responsible choices as they transition into adulthood!" Similarly, @alexsun shared, "My dad told me when I was younger, if I ever was out and no one was sober to drive home, to call him for a ride, no matter what time. He never once made me feel bad or got mad at me. I never considered driving or getting a ride home from a drunk driver."

@do.re.mi.fa.sol.la.nai.a confessed, "The number of times I have taken a minute to calm my initial reactionary response is surprising and not surprising to me. I love my parents, and I know they did their best, but I promised myself if I ever had a daughter, I would listen to her and try my hardest not to yell even when I’m angry because, like him, my anger is trying to tell me something. Am I frustrated, worried, stressed, or whatever it is? I ask, do I want to lay that on my kid, or do I want them to know how much I care and how much I want to collaborate with them within the boundaries we’ve agreed on and set? I’m not perfect; I still raise my voice, but I think I do my best because I love my kids so much."

You can follow David Meltzer (@davidmeltzer) on Instagram for motivational content.