Dad shares why he refused to tell autistic daughter it’s her birthday and the internet is applauding his choice

What would you do if your child’s birthday felt like it didn’t quite fit into the usual expectations? For many, birthdays are about cake, friends, parties and presents. But what if those things caused more confusion than joy? That’s exactly the choice Kyle Philippi—who goes by @kylephilippi on TikTok—made when he decided not to tell his daughter, Isabella, it was her birthday. It may sound strange, but this decision came after years of struggle with birthday celebrations that just didn’t seem to work. “So today is my daughter's birthday. And we're not telling her,” Philippi shared in a video.

"I think we're doing the right thing," he continued. “But it is so weird to just look at her, knowing that she has turned 10 years old today and she doesn't know it." Isabella’s birthday falls on January 2, shortly after the busy holiday season. While many people might think this timing could be perfect, for Isabella, it created problems. Two years ago, none of her friends could make it to her birthday party because of the holidays. “She was just devastated,” Philippi recalled. “Nobody came because it was Christmas break and nobody was available in our class.” 

Last year, they tried something different: a small family celebration on her actual birthday, followed by a party with her school friends later. “Even though we had fun that day, she kept going, ‘I don’t understand. I don’t understand why my friends can’t come on my birthday,’” Philippi recalled. Isabella has an auditory processing disorder and is on the autism spectrum, which makes it especially hard for her to grasp why her friends couldn’t attend her celebration on an actual day. “We celebrated her birthday on the actual day with her best friend and her family,” Philippi explained.

Further explaining the situation, he said, “We took her to the movies and to where she wanted to eat. It was a great day. But she was very, very disappointed that her friends couldn’t come to celebrate her on her actual birthday.” After seeing her disappointment last year, Philippi and his wife debated what to do this time.

“Today’s her birthday, and we’re just pretending like it’s just another day,” Philippi said. The decision wasn’t easy. But it felt like the best option for Isabella. They planned to celebrate later when her friends would be available. “A couple [of] weekends from now, we know that her friends would be able to make it,” he added.

“During the regular school year, we have enough heads up to let the parents know to bring them over and all that. And so she should have a big birthday with all her friends and be celebrated,” he said. This year, though, Isabella faced another challenge: she started not getting invited to some of her friends’ birthday parties. “She's always been invited, and now she's not,” Philippi explained. “It’s hard to see the disappointment. I think she really wants all her friends to be there because she knows that she’s not getting to go to everyone else’s birthday.”

Philippi's video resonated with other parents, especially those navigating similar challenges with neurodivergent children. @megsmind said, "I’ve got 3 special needs kids, and I fully support you doing what you think is best for your daughter. Hoping her 10th birthday is the best ever." @bookish.blue added, "As an autistic person who struggles with birthdays, you're doing the right thing. It's a little unconventional, but kids like us are too!! keep it up." @peaceteaaaddict commented, "Ykw at first I was upset but I fully understand."

You can follow Kyle Philippi (@kylephilippi) on TikTok for more family and travel content.