Dad explains why he doesn't disturb his kids' lives when visiting them: 'I retired, my kids didn't'

Adulting is hard and comes with many responsibilities. Be it the stress of work, taking care of children, being there for aging parents, maintaining a social circle, paying bills and finding time for yourself, an average adult might find it hard to juggle everything. A retired dad, Bill–who goes by @bill_retired on TikTok–shared a fresh perspective that resonated with many. He talks about the added pressure it puts on people when their parents visit.

He says in the video, “I have to constantly remind myself that my kids did not retire with me.” He further talks about how upon his retirement, he decided to make it a point to visit his kids on the other side of the country at least 10 times a year. He elaborated that he reminds himself that his retirement chapter is for him and not his kids. When it comes to their lives, they have still got jobs, family and their own lives.

He then goes on to explain how he treats a trip to his kids across the country, just like he would if they were local. He shared, “I get my own accommodations, I get my own trip from my airport and I don’t want them to have to turn it into this big event when I come and visit.” He also delved into how he wants his kids to enjoy his visits and not think of him as a bother. He also expressed gratitude towards his kids, who have never been “bothered by it” and are “very gracious” whenever he visits. However, that feeling is something he would like to maintain and he concluded, “I’d like to keep it that way.”

The video went viral among adults who have been in the same boat of exhaustion while hosting their parents and other guests. The comments section was flooded with people thanking Bill for his insight. @daddy.who916 wrote, “About time someone put this out there absolutely dislike to the fullest going to the airport to pick someone up on a Friday at 5 pm.” @fictions7n, said, “Dude, this level of introspection will go a long way to continuing a relationship with them. Proud of you.”

The video became popular enough for people to ask Bill for tips on how to convince their parents to understand this perspective. He then made another video, reaching a viewership of over 1M, where he compiled the comments from adult parents to give five tips on what retired parents can do when visiting their kids. He reiterated that it’s crucial to remind oneself constantly that “we retired, but they didn’t” and then talked about five things that adults have repeatedly commented would make things easier on them when hosting parents.

His first tip was about becoming a part of the kids’ lives instead of expecting them to wear host and hostess hats to entertain their parents. He continued and said that it’s crucial to realize that the kids are in the “busiest time of their lives.” His second tip was about how retired parents can be a great help to their kids while visiting. From fixing things in the house to mowing the lawn, parents can do a lot to make things easier by lending a hand.

His next tip was about not pressuring kids to use their vacation days while parents visit. He followed this up by never guilt-tripping the kids for working when parents are visiting and finally always keeping the trip short. Bill’s insight into the role retired parents can play in their adult kids’ lives went viral for its practical approach and relatable tips. Viewers have found it helpful not just to set boundaries with their parents but also to make them aware of how they can have a great relationship with each other.