Dad's child benefits claim denied for 'not being a mother', sparks debate

Sexism has existed for centuries, and our society is still struggling to uproot this issue. As a result, it is often expected that women handle parental duties themselves, even when their partners are willing to share the burden. In one such instance, a man’s claim to the child benefits system was rejected because the application was supposed to be filed by the child's mother. The disappointed dad, who goes by u/dzsidzsa on Reddit, blamed the authorities for not allowing him to take care of his own child, sparking widespread discussion.

In his post, the dad from Ireland explained the situation by providing a brief background. He expressed his frustration that the school only sends updates to his wife and not to him. Furthermore, the mother was added to the WhatsApp groups set up by the educational institution, leaving him feeling excluded. “Since the beginning of the school year, I have been left out of WhatsApp groups, and school notifications are sent only to my wife, even though we both signed up,” he wrote.

The dad was also disheartened to discover that all public nurse contacts and communications were directed solely to the child’s mother. He went on to ask other fathers in Ireland if they had faced similar issues. “I know that sexism is a real problem in the country. Women are ‘expected’ to handle everything that is childcare-related, but I feel like this is systemic,” his post read. It aimed to expose the rampant sexism in the government's Child Benefit system by including a photograph of the message he received regarding his rejected claim.

The rejection letter stated, “Under Child Benefit Regulations, where the child(ren) reside(s) with both parents, Child Benefit is paid to the mother. Therefore, the child(ren)’s mother/stepmother should complete the Child Benefit and HRC1 application forms enclosed and sign the Declaration.” In other words, the man concluded that this controversial decision was made because his daughter's mother hadn't participated in the application process.

“Fathers like me who want to take on some duties and share responsibility are pushed back,” the frustrated father added. He elaborated on his feelings in the comments section. “Some of us want to help out, we want to share responsibilities, we want to be there for our children and we are not allowed or ignored even when we ask for it,” he wrote. Through the post, the heartbroken dad found support from the online community, with his post receiving around 13,000 upvotes and many voicing their disappointment in the sexist policy.

Among the reactions, u/cotsy93 wrote: “I signed my daughter up for playschool last year. Dealt with everything, filled out all the forms, and spoke to the teacher on multiple occasions. At the start of the school year, she was added to the WhatsApp group, and I wasn’t, despite her never having spoken to or dealt with anyone in the school prior to this.” u/Gaffers12345 shared, “I asked to be added to the school WhatsApp group as I handle everything rather than my wife, who was automatically added, and was told only one parent could be added.”