Couple plans separate 'his-and-hers' weddings and people can't wrap their heads around 'crazy' idea

Compromise is often touted as the cornerstone of a strong relationship. Whether at work or in your personal life, finding common ground can help in navigating conflicting opinions. However, one couple’s approach to handling a wedding disagreement has left their family and the internet scratching their heads. A woman–who goes by u/Repulsive_Pepper_957 on Reddit–shared her sister-in-law’s unconventional decision to hold not one but two weddings. 

In her post, the woman explained the unusual setup. While talking about her sister-in-law, she said, “She wants a small wedding. He wants a big wedding. Instead of compromising or working together, they’re each having their own wedding.” Each event would reflect one partner’s preferences, with different venues and guest lists. The first wedding is planned as a “destination micro-wedding” at a mountain venue about three hours away. It’s a luxury event with only close family and friends invited. However, the location is far from convenient for many guests, particularly the groom’s family. On top of the travel distance, guests are also expected to stay at a hotel that requires a minimum two-night booking, costing over $200 per night.

The second wedding will take place closer to home and will be a larger, less formal gathering to include more people. When questioned about their choice during a Christmas visit with family, the couple explained their reasoning. They said having two weddings allowed them to stick to their individual budgets and preferences while ensuring everyone they wanted could be part of the celebrations. But the woman wasn’t convinced, calling the decision “crazy” and questioning if it went against the whole idea of marriage. “If marriage is about joining together, why are they having two separate weddings?” she asked the Reddit community.

Adding to the controversy, the couple created two separate gift registries—one for each wedding. This detail didn’t sit well with many, who found it excessive to expect guests to contribute gifts for both events. Some even called the dual registries “tacky” and criticized the financial burden being placed on guests. The story quickly drew attention, with people debating whether the idea was practical or just plain odd. Some supported the couple’s decision, saying it’s their money and they can celebrate however they want. u/Echo-Azure explained, "Not usual, but it's their money, you know? I wouldn't comment on the idea of two weddings, just for the sake of family harmony, but I *would* decide which one I wanted to attend. And buy gifts for."

u/hope1083 agreed, "I have seen this, and it's not out of the normal. To each their own. Choose which event you want to go to; or if you want to attend both. No need to gift twice, though. This is a compromise as each is getting what they want." Others found the idea strange and thought it defeated the purpose of marriage. “Huh. The general concept of 'small destination wedding followed by local reception everyone can easily attend' isn't that weird, but the framing of it as his-and-hers weddings certainly is,” u/GeneConscious5484 pointed out. u/WitchNABitch said, “Honestly, I just wouldn’t go. It sounds like they are marrying themselves and not each other. It’s not a wedding, it’s 2 parties."