A counselor debunks the popular excuse presented by men that their wives should act as their mothers when it comes to domestic duties.
A survey conducted by the Pew Research Centre to find out how the responsibilities are divided in a household showed that 59% of the women are of the opinion that they are doing more chores in comparison to their partners. The unequal distribution of domestic responsibilities is a familiar picture in many households. Women are expected to handle everything on the home front because social norms have attached those duties to their identity. They have to deal with a barrage of excuses thrown at them by society to justify this state. One of the most common reasons given by male partners is that their mothers managed to do it, so their wives should also be able to carry out all those responsibilities. Tara Boddie (@taraboddie937 on TikTok), who is a licensed mental health counselor, explains why this excuse is toxic as well as unhealthy, both for women and marriages.
Tara, right at the beginning, expresses a firm rejection of this idea. The podcaster states, "She should not be working as hard as your mother." She goes on to add that it is completely unexpected for men to turn around and say, "What's wrong with you? My mother was able to do it all." The reality was that their mother was barely able to do it all. It took a lot for them to get everything done and they were put in situations where they had to repeatedly push their boundaries. This tendency led to disastrous consequences for them. "And now she's tired. Now, she's having health problems," she said, "Now you see it in her body."
The mothers who went through all of that did not retain their good health. The fact that she did it all was not a good thing. Seeing the consequences their mother suffered through, no loving partner would want their wife to repeat that. Tara further explains, "She will be bitter. She is going to be resentful. It's going to break down her body." This dumping of responsibilities will ruin the future that men might have with their partners. When children move out of the house and it is just the husband and wife in the setup, the bond will not be friendly. They will not be each other's confidants. The wife will hold on to the grudge because she will think, "You left me out there. You left me out there to work by myself. You left me out there to be tired. You left me out there to be broken down. And you didn't care." Therefore, to have a healthy relationship, it is important that both parties contribute.
Relationships will not work if one party thinks they are not being backed by the other. It is important that they feel supported. Even if they do not walk out of the relationship, they will always be bitter about the fact that they were left stranded in such a difficult situation. Tara captioned the video, "Sharing household responsibilities in a marriage is not just about dividing chores; it's a cornerstone of building a strong, equitable partnership. When both spouses contribute to the upkeep of their home and family, it reduces stress and resentment while strengthening the bond and cultivates a harmonious and fulfilling marriage where both partners feel valued and supported."
The comment section was completely in agreement with Tara's assertions. @tigergypsy shared how something similar happened with them and the steps they took for it, "And now we’re no longer together."