Career coach shares ingenius psychological tricks on how to deal with a mean coworker

Ever had a coworker who just seems to thrive on making your work life difficult? You know the type—the one who whispers behind your back or fails to back you up when you need it most. It can feel like you’re stuck in the middle of an office drama, but there’s a way to handle it that might leave them regretting their actions, and it doesn’t involve sinking to their level. Farah Sharghi—who goes by @farahsharghi on TikTok—a career coach with a rich background in tech recruiting, offers a clever strategy for dealing with these challenging colleagues. Her approach is both insightful and surprisingly straightforward. Here’s how it goes.

Firstly, resist the urge to retaliate says, Sharghi. When faced with a coworker who’s spreading rumors or undermining you, it’s natural to want to expose their behavior. "It's natural to want to expose their true nature for everybody to see however I encourage you to hold back," she advises. “From a psychological viewpoint, speaking ill of someone else can just diminish your own standing and make you appear less appealing to others,” she notes. Essentially, when you engage in gossip or retaliation, you’re not only lowering yourself to their level but also potentially damaging your reputation.

Next, managing your reactions is crucial. Working with a difficult colleague can feel like an ongoing battle, and it’s easy to let anger take over. However, Sharghi points out that “succumbing to anger just diminishes your influence in a professional environment.” When you let frustration dictate your responses, "you're just giving them the upper hand," she adds, which can undermine your effectiveness and credibility. Keeping your cool, on the other hand, maintains your professionalism and denies them the satisfaction of seeing you upset.

The real game-changer, according to Sharghi, is engaging in a direct, honest conversation. "Mean coworkers behave the way that they do because no one challenges them," she says. This is where you can turn the situation around. Sharghi suggests, “Engage the difficult coworker in a sincere, one-on-one dialogue.” This approach might seem bold, but it’s effective. By addressing the issue directly and respectfully, you disarm the coworker and show that you’re not afraid to tackle the problem head-on.

Under Farah Sharghi’s video, viewers shared their own experiences with difficult coworkers, with many expressing how relatable the situation is. Some appreciated the practical advice and said they’d try the direct conversation tactic, while others shared stories of similar encounters and the challenges of maintaining professionalism. "Used to love my old job until a toxic new person came, started leaving me out of things I’d been a part of for years, I ended up leaving," commented @ln042127. "This is the advice given by those who don't really understand corporate America. No, discussions don't work, they'll be used against you," added @mulberrylife. "Try the sincere conversational approach, only got gaslight, hostile behavior, and screaming obscenities," shared @supernova5552. "I work in retail, they don’t care. I was just told that we’re “both adults” as if I wasn’t telling a 50-year-old grown woman to not yell and swear at me (I’m 23)," said @cait_lin._.

You can follow Farah Sharghi (@farahsharghi) on TikTok for more videos on work culture.