Woman tired of cooking Thanksgiving lunch every year finally says no to in-laws after 15 years

Family gatherings and parties are often enjoyed by attendees but can be exhausting for those tasked with organizing them. It’s a heavy burden to take sole responsibility for ensuring everyone has a good time. One woman had enough and decided to take a firm stand against her family’s Thanksgiving tradition. The burned-out mom of four, Reddit user u/SaltFall5312, shared how her loved ones, including her husband, reacted when she informed them she wouldn’t be cooking their beloved holiday turkey this year.

In a widely shared post, a 38-year-old woman revealed that she had been solely responsible for preparing Thanksgiving lunch for the past 15 years. However, this year, the teacher, juggling work, parenting, and school stress, decided she couldn’t take on the responsibility again. She also wanted to spend time with her mother, who is battling breast cancer. “I just don’t have the energy to take on such a big responsibility again,” the woman wrote, adding that she asked her sister-in-law to share the load this year.

The exhausted wife suggested that her sister-in-law had better reason to host the feast this year as she had recently moved into a new home. “She’s a stay-at-home mom with a 11-months-old child, so I thought it wouldn’t be too much to ask,” the woman explained. However, at this point, her mother-in-law stepped in and immediately shut down the idea. She argued that her daughter was “unreliable” and might not wake up early enough to prepare the turkey. However, the woman felt it wasn’t her responsibility if her sister-in-law was lazy. Frustrated, she then suggested that her brother-in-law’s wife take over the task instead.

 “They got married this summer but have been together for over five years. She’s never cooked a turkey before, but my mother-in-law said, ‘the turkey cooks itself,’ so I don’t see why she can’t give it a try,” the disgruntled woman elaborated. She pointed out that her family members showed up every year to eat without contributing, yet the moment she suggested not cooking, it turned into a crisis. She also shared that her husband failed to understand her desire to spend this Thanksgiving like everyone else—relaxing and enjoying the meal without the burden of hosting. “When I told my husband I wasn’t cooking, he said I’m just resentful because his parents helped SIL buy her house,” she wrote.

During their conversation, her husband also claimed she resented his parents for accusing them of neglecting their parental responsibilities whenever they went on date nights. Denying the accusation, the woman remarked, “I pointed out how unfair that is, but he just said, ‘We’re the most stable, so that’s why we’re always asked to take on more.’ My husband thinks my decision not to cook has less to do with stress and more to do with his family.” He also insisted her decision stemmed from her ailing mother not attending this year’s Thanksgiving lunch. The woman explained, “My mom has been battling breast cancer for the past 10 months and just wants to stay home this year to avoid being around too many people.” She shared that, even when her parents spent last Thanksgiving with her sister, she still prepared the turkey for her in-laws. After hosting for 15 years, she expressed her frustration, saying she no longer wanted to wake up early and shoulder the burden of cooking. “I don’t want the responsibility of dealing with everyone asking me, ‘Is it almost done?’ For once, I just want to show up, sit down, and eat, like everyone else does,” she told her husband.

He also threw in that she had been hosting Thanksgiving for the past seven years, to which the woman replied that this was exactly why she was exhausted. In response, her husband accused her of neglecting her "motherly duties," a remark that deeply hurt her. Despite standing firm in her decision not to cook, the woman offered a compromise, suggesting that if the Thanksgiving meal could be pushed to six in the evening, she might consider making the turkey after spending the day with her mom. However, this wasn't acceptable to them and her in-laws continued to insist that others couldn’t cook or host due to their incompetence, leaving the woman feeling even more unsupported.

“But the real problem is that my in-laws coddle them and never let them take responsibility for anything. That’s not my problem to solve,” she concluded, asking for opinions from the online community. Among the comments, u/Wrong_Moose_9763 wrote, “Your husband needs to remain quiet on this matter. In fact, inform him that he either supports you or takes full responsibility for everything—cooking, cleaning and all related tasks.” u/Defiant_Courage1235 raised the question of why the men in the family weren’t stepping up to help, asking, “Why are she, SIL1, SIL2, or MIL being criticized for not preparing the turkey?” “If it’s been your responsibility for 15 years that started when you had your first baby, so I also don’t see how it’s not reasonable for some of his siblings now that they have their families started to not pitch in,” u/Equivalent-Pea6145 emphasized.