Aunt living on VA Disability pay refused to co-sign $200,000 loan for niece's college — her brother accused her of only loving her pets

Siblings are supposed to help and support each other through life's challenges. But things often get ugly when support starts to feel more like an obligation than a favor. A 54-year-old woman (u/electronic_break2621), surviving on VA disability pay, experienced just that when her brother guilt-tripped her for refusing to co-sign his daughter's $200,000 student loan. In fact, he also called the author selfish, even though she had been sending her niece money every month since she started college. The post was shared on July 28, and it received 1,300 upvotes on Reddit. 

A costly request

The author and her husband are childfree, and she said they were happy taking care of their nieces. In fact, since her brother's daughter joined college, she had been sending her money every month along with extra cash for miscellaneous expenses. "I've been sending her money every month since she started college 4 years ago, plus extra for birthdays, holidays, and finally her graduation. She was just accepted into USC, but it's going to cost $200k," she wrote. However, things turned awkward when she refused her niece's request to sign her student loan. The author said no because her brother's daughter was not only unemployed, but was also not planning to find one. Interestingly, the woman said her niece never initiated an in-depth conversation with her until she reached out with an agenda. 

The accusation

Meanwhile, the author explained that she and her husband had consciously decided to remain childfree. However, her brother turned their decision against them and said that since they have no kids, they should help his daughter financially. "My husband and I decided early on not to have children. My brother called and said I didn't care about anyone because my husband and I have no responsibilities and can afford it, and don't love anyone but ourselves and our pets, and how we can't understand how hard it is, and that I've helped my younger siblings in the past, so why not her," she recounted. He also accused her of not caring about anyone except her pets. The author's brother then pointed out how she helped her younger siblings but isn't willing to do the same for his daughter.

However, the author knew that if she agreed to co-sign, her brother would expect her to do it again in the future. The twist in the story was that the niece's grandmother had set aside some money for her education, but the niece refused to talk to her. The aunt also explained that she wasn't exactly swimming in money to make financial decisions like the one requested of her. "I'm on a fixed income VA Disability pay), and my husband works full time. We've both worked very hard to live how we want and did not plan to put a child through a graduate program. We have bills, and I honestly cannot afford to be responsible for potentially $200k in unsecured student loan debt," she added. The author concluded, "My brother is trying to guilt me into this, and my husband is set at a hard no. I want to help her, but honestly just can't afford it."

Financial boundaries

Mixing family and finances can be tricky. But an American Consumer Credit Counseling survey found that 82% of Americans would lend money to a family member in need. Similarly, 67% were willing to lend money to family affected by death or a natural disaster, 42% said they would help pay for their medical bills, and 41% would help with rent, utilities, or groceries. The survey also revealed that 32% would still lend family members money if they knew they would not get it back. Now, the aunt in the Reddit post would have co-signed the student loan if her niece was competent to pay it on her own. 

'Entitled niece'

Meanwhile, netizens advised the author against co-signing. They believed her niece was acting entitled because she had someone willing to help her, but chose not to accept it. u/KadlinStormcrow wrote, "NTAH, and if he continues to tell you how horrible you are, stop any and all money you're giving to them and her period. You've helped above and beyond any obligation. You're entitled to your own money. They aren't. Your niece needs to be an adult and figure this out herself."

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