Britney Spears breaks silence on her abusive 13-year conservatorship: 'I just want my life back'

Britney Spears broke her silence and pleaded for an end to her court-ordered conservatorship, telling the judge, "I just want my life back." The singer addressed California Superior Court Judge Brenda J. Penny and said she has been traumatized and depressed due to the conservatorship. Spears attended the hearing virtually by phone and spoke for more than 20 minutes. Other members involved in her conservatorship also appeared remotely. She told the court that she was forced to use birth control, take medication, and attend therapy sessions against her will, reported CNN. "I cry every day," Spears told the court, before stating that the 13-year conservatorship had caused her mental stress. "I've lied and told the whole world I'm OK and I'm happy. It's a lie. I've been in denial. I've been in shock. I am traumatized. I'm not happy. I can't sleep. I'm so angry it's insane. And I'm depressed. I cry every day," she added. 

It had been two years since Britney Spears last appeared in court. "I haven't been back to court in a long time because I don't think I was heard on any level when I came to court the last time," said the singer. Spears' father, Jamie Spears, was named conservator of her estimated $60 million estate in 2008, until Judge Penny appointed Bessemer Trust in November 2020 to serve as co-conservator. Attorney Andrew Wallet was a co-conservator but resigned in 2019. Spears criticized her father's handling of her conservatorship and her care. "My family didn't do a goddamn thing. Anything that happened to me had to be approved by my dad," said Spears. She also accused him of enjoying having control of her life. "I never had a say in my schedule. They always told me I had to do this," said Spears. Vivian Thoreen, an attorney for Jamie Spears, said, "Mr. Spears loves his daughter and misses her very much."

Spears added that she was put on lithium against her will. "Lithium is a very, very strong [medication] and completely different medication than what I've been on. You can go mentally impaired if you take too much, stay on it longer than five months," said Spears. Lithium is commonly used to treat bipolar disorder and can cause episodes of depression and mania. "I felt drunk. I couldn't even stick up for myself. I couldn't even have a conversation with my mom or dad about anything. I told them I was scared and they had six different nurses come to my home to monitor me while I was on this medication that I didn't want to be on, to begin with." 

In response to her remarks, Thoreen told CNN, "Mr. Spears loves his daughter and misses her very much." Spears also said she wants to hire her own attorney. Her current counsel, Samuel Ingham III, was appointed by the court in 2008. "The last time I spoke to you...made me feel like I was dead, like I didn't matter, like nothing had been done to me, like you thought I was lying," said Spears. "I want to be heard. I'm telling you this again so that maybe you understand the depth and degree and the damage...I want and deserve changes going forward.

Spears said she wants to start a family with her boyfriend, Sam Asghari, but has been restricted by the conservatorship. "I was told right now in the conservatorship, I'm not able to get married or have a baby," said Spears, before adding, "I have an I[U]D inside of myself right now so I don't get pregnant. This so-called team won't let me go to the doctor to take it out because they don't want me to have children, any more children."

The singer labeled the conservatorship as abusive. "Basically this conservatorship is doing me way more harm than good. I deserve to have a life. I've worked my whole life," she said, asking for the conservatorship to end. "I feel ganged up on, I feel bullied, I feel left out and alone. I'm tired of feeling alone. I deserve to have the same rights as anybody." The next court hearing is scheduled for July 14. "I just want my life back. It's been 13 years and it's enough," she said.