Bridesmaid drops out of destination wedding over high costs, gets called ‘horrible’ by the couple

A destination wedding may be a dream come true for the couple, but for guests on a tight budget, it can be a financial burden. While the couple says “I do” in a castle, on a beach, or by a lakeside, guests often feel pressured to spend their savings on travel, accommodations, and wedding attire. The unspoken struggle between honoring a loved one’s big day and protecting one’s finances can strain relationships. A woman who goes by u/Virtual-Following187 recently took to Reddit to ask people whether she was wrong in dropping out of her friend’s destination wedding because she couldn’t afford the costly affair. “Never set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm,” people advised her.

“My friend is getting married next summer, she asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding months ago and of course, I said yes,” the woman described in the post. She said that while she had been aware of her friend’s wedding for several months, she recently got the news that the couple had decided to host the wedding in Italy. “I was happy and excited for her obviously,” she wrote.

Everything seemed perfect, but when the woman calculated the expenses for her friend’s July 2026 destination wedding, she realized it far exceeded her budget—especially the cost of travel and the bridesmaid dress. Her $3000 monthly income would barely allow her to afford all of these expenses. So, she did what she thought any good friend would do: she called her friend to explain that she couldn’t afford to be part of the wedding in Italy. But her friend's reaction was shocking. “She immediately began screaming at me, telling me ‘You agreed to be a part of this wedding so figure it out,’” the woman described.

Although the woman made the most rational decision, her friend seemed unable to understand her dilemma. She recalled how the soon-to-be bride kept pressuring her to do whatever it took to attend the wedding. “Work more hours or even move back in with your parents so you don't have to pay rent and make it to this wedding. You already agreed to be in this wedding, you can't back out. All my other bridesmaids are coming so why can't you,” the friend said to the woman.

At this point, the woman began to feel "horrible" for backing out of the wedding, but it was what it was. She explained to her friend that she "had to" drop out because "everything added up to too much" for her budget. The friend hung up, likely offended, and ten minutes later, her fiancé called to tell the woman she was being a "horrible friend." To make matters worse, her friend's parents and the entire bridal party bombarded her with messages, insisting she should have found a way to make it work. “I've been feeling like a bit of an a**h**e about it,” the woman confessed.

Over 300 Reddit users swooped in to defend and support the woman while slamming her aggrieved friend for being too inconsiderate. “When one chooses to have a destination wedding, they need to understand that people may not be able to afford it. No one is entitled to put you in debt as they live out their little fantasy,” commented u/GreekAmericanDom. Reflecting on the bride's response, u/RabbidBunnies_BJD said, “Her expectations for the entire wedding party and guest list to bend to her wants is unreasonable.”

u/ikeamgr wrote that her clear response was a “rude awakening” to her friend. “Once her invites go out she will learn that many people cannot afford to go. It is sad that weddings have become these elaborate, destination-expensive events. When did weddings start costing more than a house,” they commented. u/HeureuseFermiere quipped that her friend was acting in a way that said, “Sell your kidney or you clearly always hated me.” The woman replied that she felt the exact sentiment when her friend screamed at her for her decision.

Meanwhile, in another comment, the woman shared that she hadn’t "heard a word from her friend in a week." Feeling hurt by her friend’s reaction, she added that she no longer wanted to be involved. “After she screamed at me over it and got her fiancé and friends involved I don't even want to be a part of it anymore even if she changes it to a local wedding. I don't want to be around that behavior at all.”