Bride praised for not making fiance’s ‘tomboy’ niece wear a dress to her wedding

A bride-to-be (u/extreme-break-6638) wanted her fiancé's niece to be her bridesmaid, but soon realized she loves androgynous fashion more. The woman knew that making her soon-to-be niece wear something she didn't like wouldn't let her enjoy the wedding, so she asked her to pick anything that made her happy, going completely against her future in-laws. The bride-to-be turned to Reddit, asking if she was right to overrule her tomboy niece's parents, who wanted her to wear a dress to the wedding.

After the woman and her fiancé got engaged in 2022, she suggested his 15-year-old niece be her bridesmaid. She had met her only a few times, so she thought it could be a great opportunity to bond and involve her in the wedding. "A few weeks ago, we were in my fiancé's hometown to visit his family and discuss wedding-related stuff. His brother, sister-in-law, and their daughter came over, and I noticed this time that she was dressed a lot more androgynously than I remembered," the woman recalled. They were discussing the wedding when she noticed that her niece immediately became uncomfortable hearing about the bridesmaid's dress. In fact, the teen's parents, especially her mom, kept on insisting that she needed to be more feminine. "I'll be honest and say this hit a nerve with me, as I was very much a tomboy as a teenager (even though I'm not anymore), and it absolutely broke me whenever my relatives would say things like that," the bride-to-be confessed. The woman realized she had to step in, so supporting her niece, she announced that her maid of honor would wear a trouser suit for the wedding and not a dress. She further said she would let all her bridesmaids pick anything they want to as long as it matches the theme. "I pulled out my phone and started showing her photos of the ideas my friend had sent me (a jumpsuit, culottes, a trouser suit, a tailored tux, etc) and let her know that she could pick anything at all she wanted. She could even wear jeans and trainers if that made her comfortable, and it's a wedding, not a fashion show," the woman wrote. Her niece's face lit up the minute she heard the woman take her side, but her mum looked really pissed off.

"My husband doesn't give a sh*t what she wears, but obviously also doesn't want his family and me to be arguing on the wedding day. I don't want to back down because I know what it feels like to be pressured into wearing something that makes you uncomfortable, but on the other hand, I know it's only for a day, and it'd make the family happy," the woman said. Parents influencing their kids' choice of clothing isn't new; in fact, a study to understand the purchase decision on children's clothing in China found 58% of the respondents admitted that both parents and children were involved in the decision process, while 37% of the respondents confessed that parents decided alone on what to buy. While there isn't anything wrong with parents making the decision, going against their kids' comfort might leave a negative impact on the children in the long run.

Meanwhile, reacting to her post, u/fun-two-1414 commented, "NTA, she's 15 and is old enough to decide on how she would like to dress. You are being very reasonable in allowing her to be comfortable in what she is wearing, as long as it matches the wedding color. The mom is an as***** for trying to make her daughter wear something that she would be uncomfortable in; this would make her not enjoy being your bridesmaid and could also affect your happiness, knowing that one of your bridesmaids is unhappy.

Similarly, u/sufficientzucchini21 said, "You are so right. It’s not a fashion show. To put someone’s comfort ahead of traditional garb and matchy-matchy crap is very nice of you. It sounds like her parents are the ones who need to work on themselves, not their daughter. NTA." Another user, u/no-hurry-3194, wrote, "NTA. Your wedding, your rules, and I’m sure your niece is grateful that you are considerate of her feelings. Be aware that her family may push that they won’t buy it for her if it’s not a dress. You can always buy it for her, so they really can’t say anything, but I know weddings are expensive, and anyone would understand that it may not be feasible."

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